Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Bad chickens

Oh my goodness, it is art gone wrong. See for yourself:
http://www.shopgoodwill.com/viewItem.asp?ItemID=1079784

Those are some really bad chickens.

What was the artist thinking? Oh my gosh, today I am going to sculpt Chickens! And I am going to color them too! Oh if you bid, be aware that the chickens aren't authenticated!

I wonder....are these mass produced chickens? Is there some kind of Perdue clay assembly line of unauthenticated multicolored hens? The horror!

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Note to self, civility is dead.

Today has not been stellar. I have had the worst commute home ever. This ranks right up there with the ice storm of 97. That was a very cold day. I vowed never to work in DC ever again.

On Wednesday eve, I left McPherson Square and ventured onto the Blue Line. I was aghast at the number of people squeezed onto the trains. No problem.

More people come on at Farragut West. OK. Things are a little tight, but I can still breathe.

OK, at GW/Foggy Bottom, all hell breaks loose. I am stuck in a corner and can go no further back on the train. There is a group of three people, one is in a wheel chair, and they are sitting in the reserved area. I am the closest person near them. There is no way to get past them. A bunch of people get onto the train. This lady tries to squeeze past me. I tell her I can't move there is a person in a wheel chair right behind me. I tell her there is no space to get past. She says EXCUSE ME. I tell her NO, you can't get past without hopping over the person in the wheelchair's legs. She says she is going to do it anyway. I told her that "You are RUDE!." She hops over. I am dismayed. My fellow trainmates are digusted as well. One person says that people will do anything. I agree. For the next 15 minutes I hear this person complain about rude people on trains.

I am really really dismayed at the lack of civility on Metro. If I had one of my hospitality pineapples I would have hit her in the ole noggin. Death be a pineapple tonight!

Friday, October 01, 2004

The way of the Drunken Noodle

Well I haven't been fired yet. It is quite amazing. Truly the strongest and most adept survive. Watch out Shoopie and Minion, I have big opposable thumbs and I am not afraid to use them!

Anyway, life continues in Northern Virginia. Another Thai restaurant opens...the Earth continues to spin.

Welcome to Northern Virginia. Northern Virginia is the piece of Virginia that is situated west of Washington DC, eastern and southern border is ever expanding. Watch our Richmond and Front Royal!

In NOVA, there are 100 Thai restaurants per 100 persons. And this is a good thing. One hasn't lived until one has eaten drunken noodles. Sometimes there is a drunken noodle fatality and the rato drops to 100 Thai restaurants per 99 persons. I almost witnessed a drunken noodle incident. Luckily our waiter was quite alert and filled our water glasses before anything got out of hand.

In NOVA, you can't buy fake Kate Spades because the police are always alert. The police are really on the ball in Northern Virginia. They have helicopters, boats, swat teams, and multiple shooting ranges. If I were a criminal, I would go elsewhere. I am not sure where but Northern Virginia is really not conducive to nefarious business.

The people in Northern Virginia are from all around the world. However, they have one thing in common. They loooove their shopping. They particularly looove their warehouse clubs. If you ever want to go on Arlington safari, I suggest you go to the COSTCO in Pentagon City. There you will see Northern Virginia finest scampering about looking for the best deal on 1 hundred pounds of nuts and 10 loaves of bread. This is the ultimate place to go for pre-snow chaos storm shopping. This is also a wonderful place to get tires. I love to shop but I even I cannot handle the other ultimate shopping playground, TYSONS CORNER.

Tysons I and II and the surrounding area frightens me. I am not sure if its the people or the fact that I lose my car everytime I go there. I often spend more time looking for my car than shopping. It stresses me out. And the parking is so darn aggressive. I wonder why. The people have to get out of the cars to shop. They have to become pedestrians too one day. Well, you can have your car valet parked at Tyson's II. Regardless, I have almost gotten hit by Hummers, Lexuses, and Mercedes. This is not good because these are all big vehicles. I much rather get hit by a GEO or PRIUS. Or better yet, I wouldn't mind getting hit by a BEETLE. I could roll right over the windshield and land gently on the roof, brush myself off, and go to Cinnabon and chortle about what just happened. If one gets hit by a Hummer, I am afraid that you should probably say Hasta la vista baby and call 911. You are going to be terminated.

Anway, I will probably go shopping tomorow and eat some drunken noodles. Truly that is a perfect day.