Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Nasty coworkers and other dark tales

Wow, I wasn't fired today! It might have been a mercy.

I have the meanest coworker on the planet. I have never met anyone so painful to be around. Honestly I am a little afraid of her. During Halloween, she gave out really nice candy bars. I don't trust her enough to actually eat the candy bar. This alarms me greatly.

She was in a particularly schizo mood today. She varied between ignoring me and criticizing my sense of direction. I unfortunately had to go to a meeting with her. I usually try to avoid her. Today it was impossible to avoid Shoopie.

There isn't alot that I can do to aggravate Shoopie; she is in a foul mood most of the time. So I make the best use of my arsenal. I have a Shoopie Indicator. I am for +5 score as "good" on my performance indictor!

Weapon Reaction Effect
"Good Morning" Glare +5
"How are you" Grimace +3
"How was you weekend?" Groan, look of pain +10
"How is your cat?" Happy -10
"Vacation" Varies -5 to +5
"I need your help" Evil Eye +25
"I have a question" Loss of consciousness +50

Now I am going to listen to some Trance and think about my younger years.








Saturday, November 06, 2004

Bad kitty

Oh my. I have found more original ART on the web.

This kitty looks really angry. I am not kidding. I think I am going to go to hell for criticizing other people's art....well....it will be worth it in this case!

http://www.shopgoodwill.com/viewItem.asp?ItemID=1090179

I find this picture really odd. The kitten has no eyelids. Also, the kitty is in the center of the painting surrounded by strategically placed flowers. OK, I've never seen any cat look that intent unless it was dinner time. And I don't see any kitty kibble around this kitten.

Oh good lord, the kitty is just surreal. Does it just hang out in the garden look surprised all day?

OK, must hold back...cannot stop commenting. The light....it seems to be coming from up above. There is too much light on its head. It is almost angelic. But it looks surprised. Perhaps it is looking at a hawk on a really bright day. Is it thinking, I think the hawk is going to....oh no, why, I am too cute to die, surprise, urp, the end.

Maybe Death be a pineapple tonight!

Godspeed cute little squirrel

I am going to tell the tale of a squirrel so bad he was featured on America's Most Wanted. He is on the Interpol watch list for criminal activities such as stealing nuts and making himself a nuisance at bird feeders. I will call this squirrel Bob. His name has been changed to protect his family of 20 siblings and 50 children.

Bob is a very assertive squirrel. He begs for food in Lafayette Park in DC. He will walk right up to you and chitter. To me it sounds like "GIMME GIMME GIMME." I often shoo Bob away from my lunch. I tell Bob the squirrel to "GO AWAY YOU CUTE LITTLE RODENT. Ok here is the cookie. Now go away before I have to give you my chips" I've lost many a negotiation to Bob. I don't know what happens.

One morning I was walking to work. I left McPherson Square and was very glad to have survived my commute. I crossed some streets and was thinking "Today is going to be alright....I am not going to get fired!" And then I felt a squish under my foot. I look down and see I stepped on Bob! Oh God! Bob the squirrel is dead and I stepped on him! Oh the humanity! Bob had a run in with a taxi cab! I can't confirm that a taxi killed him but I'd like to think it was quick. They are the fastest drivers in DC. It is the best way to go.

Dearest Bob the squirrel, godspeed you cute little rodent! I hope you go to the big chocolate chip in the sky!