Warning, the following post contains un-Christmas like sentiments. Read at your own risk.
Well today was the big day. Our Secret Santas were unveiled. I am not sure who mine is because they did not show up at the unveil. No, I don't think it was fear, I just think they were too busy.
I do know that my Secret Santa was very cheap. And I spent way too much money. Yes, I know this isn't a very charitable thought. I should be grateful yadda yadda yadda. OK, I am over it.
Oh my gawd. The proverbial stuff hit the fan today. The entire Division is moving staff around and Buffy is moving too! I am sorry to see Buffy go....I really am. She talks too much but I really do like her. Other staff are moving as well. People are threatening to resign and/or look for other jobs quit over this. Wow, this is just the thing to boost morale over the holidays! I really don't know what they are thinking. They should have waited after the New Year to go forward. Now people are going to stew and plot over this.
I may be the only one left after this year is up. I think everyone else is going to retire or quit.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Secret Santa, an outdated American custom
As you know, Christmas is rapidly approaching. Buffy is coordinating Secret Santa this year.
It is very important to be popular at work if one is going to coordinate the Secret Santa game. Buffy is valiantly trying to get more staff to participate. Unfortunately, we have a rival secret Santa game that is being planned by the current Queen Bee. We shall call this women Jane Jones. She has a slavish harem of men friends that hang onto her every word. Buffy, my coworker only has one devoted man friend, Baker. Buffy has not had the time to garden a cult of personality and is struggling to get more participants.
I do not know when we have time to work especially with all this social climbing going around. God forbid, we do any work and publish data or publications or something. I digress.
Jane Jones has about 80% of the staff from my branch participating in her Secret Santa game. Buffy has the other 10. Another 10% refuses to participate. These last 10% are the smart ones.
Buffy is not taking this very well. She has called them 'snotty' and 'tacky.' My god, these are very harsh words coming from a Southern Belle like her. Baker, her man coworker friend tries to console her. They still lunch together. And I found out that they are considering shopping together after work as well.
I think Secret Santa is the stupidest idea I have ever heard. Of course I have been sucked into the drama. Of course I am participating in Buffy's game not Jane Jones. Why can't we all get along?
It is very important to be popular at work if one is going to coordinate the Secret Santa game. Buffy is valiantly trying to get more staff to participate. Unfortunately, we have a rival secret Santa game that is being planned by the current Queen Bee. We shall call this women Jane Jones. She has a slavish harem of men friends that hang onto her every word. Buffy, my coworker only has one devoted man friend, Baker. Buffy has not had the time to garden a cult of personality and is struggling to get more participants.
I do not know when we have time to work especially with all this social climbing going around. God forbid, we do any work and publish data or publications or something. I digress.
Jane Jones has about 80% of the staff from my branch participating in her Secret Santa game. Buffy has the other 10. Another 10% refuses to participate. These last 10% are the smart ones.
Buffy is not taking this very well. She has called them 'snotty' and 'tacky.' My god, these are very harsh words coming from a Southern Belle like her. Baker, her man coworker friend tries to console her. They still lunch together. And I found out that they are considering shopping together after work as well.
I think Secret Santa is the stupidest idea I have ever heard. Of course I have been sucked into the drama. Of course I am participating in Buffy's game not Jane Jones. Why can't we all get along?
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
This is not the way to start the holidays
Well, I am trying to come to terms with my canceled leave. Others in DC are not doing so well.
Last week a naked guy jumped through a window in an office building on 15th Street. This is approximately near the 15th and K Starbuck and the Washington Post Building. I did not see the guy jump but I saw the weird CSI like aftermath. 15th Street was closed off. All the firetrucks and ambulances and police were hanging out around the scene. Numerous office workers gawked and smoked. I hurried to get my Cosi salad and scurried away from the unpleasantness.
There is a new soap opera at work and it doesn't involve me! One of my coworkers, I'll call him 'Baker' has a crush on my officemate 'Buffy'. 'Baker' is engaged and 'Buffy' is oblivious. They chat, they laugh, they lunch! It unfortunately seems headed for disaster or a diesengagement.
Work was crazy today. Not only did I contend with deadlines but with Buffy's caffeine intake. Buffy is chatty. Add caffeine and you have an untenable situation. I don't think Buffy notices that she is sometimes the only one doing the talking. I sometimes tune her out and nod at appropriate moments. I think this is a primitive survival mechnism. That and my Sony noise reduction headphones works like a charm.
Last week a naked guy jumped through a window in an office building on 15th Street. This is approximately near the 15th and K Starbuck and the Washington Post Building. I did not see the guy jump but I saw the weird CSI like aftermath. 15th Street was closed off. All the firetrucks and ambulances and police were hanging out around the scene. Numerous office workers gawked and smoked. I hurried to get my Cosi salad and scurried away from the unpleasantness.
There is a new soap opera at work and it doesn't involve me! One of my coworkers, I'll call him 'Baker' has a crush on my officemate 'Buffy'. 'Baker' is engaged and 'Buffy' is oblivious. They chat, they laugh, they lunch! It unfortunately seems headed for disaster or a diesengagement.
Work was crazy today. Not only did I contend with deadlines but with Buffy's caffeine intake. Buffy is chatty. Add caffeine and you have an untenable situation. I don't think Buffy notices that she is sometimes the only one doing the talking. I sometimes tune her out and nod at appropriate moments. I think this is a primitive survival mechnism. That and my Sony noise reduction headphones works like a charm.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
We don't want to start a precedent
I am furious. My Thanksgiving and Christmas leave were canceled. I was told that we don't want to have a precedent. Well they can kiss my precedent.
I really hate these workaholics. Who schedules an important presentation on Thankgiving week? Don't they know that is a sacred week to us peons? We dance around big tables grabbing drumlets and eat sweet potatoes. It is an American tradition.
I didn't realize that Thankgiving could be so unpleasant even before it happened.
I really hate these workaholics. Who schedules an important presentation on Thankgiving week? Don't they know that is a sacred week to us peons? We dance around big tables grabbing drumlets and eat sweet potatoes. It is an American tradition.
I didn't realize that Thankgiving could be so unpleasant even before it happened.
Friday, July 15, 2005
I love tourists!
Dear Bloggy,
It is summer. The tourists are here in DC! I wuv them to death.
Not only do they bring tax dollars to the city, they shuffle around DC much to my amusement. I hear them say the most amusing things. Here are some snippets.
Tourist story #1 A Confusing turn of events
At McPherson square near the turnstiles, I see a bunch of people mulling around. Oh no I think, I am walking on a crime scene. NO! Just some more tourists baffled by the turnstiles. Gosh I can relate to that! Poor tourists. One of the guy tourists is screaming at this wife , "Go through go through, don't wait" I am thinking, man that guy is mean. Gosh, maybe thats why she is having such a hard time with the turnstile concept...I myself can't concentrate with all the screaming. The women gets through and the rest of the group follow like ducklings through the same turnstile.
Tourist story #2 The little detective
On my way home on the blue line, I hear a very serious voice behind me.
"Mom, CeCe doesn't believe me"
(muffled sound from Mom)
"I did see it"
CeCe says "You have no proof"
UG says "I say it in the water or no...in the air"
(I am not sure what the kid saw but I think CeCe should consider a career in law enforcement>
Tourist Story 3: Killer grates attack innocent shoes
I am trudging toward McPherson square and I see this women stop in her tracks. This is definitely odd I think. And then she slowly falls to the ground....knees buckle....and swoosh she really gracefully falls to the side. Two people stop to help her. She has no shoes on. They are firmly planted in the grate in front of her! The grate ate the shoes! She is OK and laughs it off no worse for wear. Someone wrestles the shoes off the grate and hands it to the lady. We all laugh and all is well!
Bloggy, thats all for now, I'll write again soon!
A
It is summer. The tourists are here in DC! I wuv them to death.
Not only do they bring tax dollars to the city, they shuffle around DC much to my amusement. I hear them say the most amusing things. Here are some snippets.
Tourist story #1 A Confusing turn of events
At McPherson square near the turnstiles, I see a bunch of people mulling around. Oh no I think, I am walking on a crime scene. NO! Just some more tourists baffled by the turnstiles. Gosh I can relate to that! Poor tourists. One of the guy tourists is screaming at this wife , "Go through go through, don't wait" I am thinking, man that guy is mean. Gosh, maybe thats why she is having such a hard time with the turnstile concept...I myself can't concentrate with all the screaming. The women gets through and the rest of the group follow like ducklings through the same turnstile.
Tourist story #2 The little detective
On my way home on the blue line, I hear a very serious voice behind me.
"Mom, CeCe doesn't believe me"
(muffled sound from Mom)
"I did see it"
CeCe says "You have no proof"
UG says "I say it in the water or no...in the air"
(I am not sure what the kid saw but I think CeCe should consider a career in law enforcement>
Tourist Story 3: Killer grates attack innocent shoes
I am trudging toward McPherson square and I see this women stop in her tracks. This is definitely odd I think. And then she slowly falls to the ground....knees buckle....and swoosh she really gracefully falls to the side. Two people stop to help her. She has no shoes on. They are firmly planted in the grate in front of her! The grate ate the shoes! She is OK and laughs it off no worse for wear. Someone wrestles the shoes off the grate and hands it to the lady. We all laugh and all is well!
Bloggy, thats all for now, I'll write again soon!
A
Monday, May 23, 2005
Flip flops, menace to civilization
Dear Bloggy,
I am furious. Someone dropped an LL bean tote on my toe. Luckily, I was wearing sturdy walking shoes so the damage was minimal. It smarts now though. Thank goodness, I don't wear sandals on metro.
Gosh, now I am paranoid about getting smushed toekins. I don't understand how people can wear flip flops in DC. OK people, I don't want to upset the general populace, however this must be said.
Suits and flip flops look silly. Plus I don't like looking at naked feet. I guess its OK at the beach but it is truly gross to see people's toes in the city. I don't know why. I don't like to think of flip flops at Starbucks. It is just soooo vulgar. Flip flops shouldn't be worn in museums either. Put a toe-burka on, their called birkinstocks people. Wear wooly socks for a truly fashionable granola statement.
I don't know why city flip flops bother me. I have some theories.
1. I have arch envy (i lost mine a few years ago)
2. I want cute toes too.
3. The awful thunk thunk noise interrupts my whimical thoughts.
4. I dislike seeing feet get stepped on.
5. Accidents happen. Squirrels do attack what they can reach.
Keep flip flops at the beach and your toes covered people! DC is a conservative town!
A.
I am furious. Someone dropped an LL bean tote on my toe. Luckily, I was wearing sturdy walking shoes so the damage was minimal. It smarts now though. Thank goodness, I don't wear sandals on metro.
Gosh, now I am paranoid about getting smushed toekins. I don't understand how people can wear flip flops in DC. OK people, I don't want to upset the general populace, however this must be said.
Suits and flip flops look silly. Plus I don't like looking at naked feet. I guess its OK at the beach but it is truly gross to see people's toes in the city. I don't know why. I don't like to think of flip flops at Starbucks. It is just soooo vulgar. Flip flops shouldn't be worn in museums either. Put a toe-burka on, their called birkinstocks people. Wear wooly socks for a truly fashionable granola statement.
I don't know why city flip flops bother me. I have some theories.
1. I have arch envy (i lost mine a few years ago)
2. I want cute toes too.
3. The awful thunk thunk noise interrupts my whimical thoughts.
4. I dislike seeing feet get stepped on.
5. Accidents happen. Squirrels do attack what they can reach.
Keep flip flops at the beach and your toes covered people! DC is a conservative town!
A.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Those darn cherry blossoms
Dear Bloggy,
The cherry blossoms are blooming. I've transferred to my new job. Things are almost serene.
It always seem that life changes dramatically for me around cherry blossom time.
I don't know if I am going to venture to the Tidal Basin this year. Well, its because of the hordes. The Tidal Blossom tourists are just like cicadas, except ruder! They fly around, bump into you, and then attack the trees. You often see them clumped around the cherry trees, hanging on to branches...often wrenching off delicate flowers to stuff up their noses. I don't know if I can stand to see the horticulture abuse. Egad people, the cherry trees are a national treasure not the national climb-a-tree contest!
I am being curmudgeonly because I admit, I just want the cherry blossoms to myself!
Sincerely,
A.
The cherry blossoms are blooming. I've transferred to my new job. Things are almost serene.
It always seem that life changes dramatically for me around cherry blossom time.
I don't know if I am going to venture to the Tidal Basin this year. Well, its because of the hordes. The Tidal Blossom tourists are just like cicadas, except ruder! They fly around, bump into you, and then attack the trees. You often see them clumped around the cherry trees, hanging on to branches...often wrenching off delicate flowers to stuff up their noses. I don't know if I can stand to see the horticulture abuse. Egad people, the cherry trees are a national treasure not the national climb-a-tree contest!
I am being curmudgeonly because I admit, I just want the cherry blossoms to myself!
Sincerely,
A.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
More job trauma and drama
Dear Bloggy,
Egad, I am being 'reassigned' at work. I am waiting for the ax to fall.
Right now, it will be a test of nerves, steel, and determination. Will I quit? Will my boss fire me? Who is going to blink first?! Me me me.
In the meantime I am going to think of 1001 ways to say, I quit!
1.
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: Status
Stick a fork in me, I"M DONE. I quit.
2.
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: Status
So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen, good night!
I quit I quit I quit this ghastly site!
3.
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: status
day o day oooo daylight come and me quit my job
come mister tally man tally the project
nobody can count cause this economist go home
4.
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: status
I think that I have never seen
a project unwieildy assigned to me
A project that you assigned in jest
Against all odds my very worst test
I quit now, so summer I will frolic
Egad, I am being 'reassigned' at work. I am waiting for the ax to fall.
Right now, it will be a test of nerves, steel, and determination. Will I quit? Will my boss fire me? Who is going to blink first?! Me me me.
In the meantime I am going to think of 1001 ways to say, I quit!
1.
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: Status
Stick a fork in me, I"M DONE. I quit.
2.
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: Status
So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen, good night!
I quit I quit I quit this ghastly site!
3.
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: status
day o day oooo daylight come and me quit my job
come mister tally man tally the project
nobody can count cause this economist go home
4.
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: status
I think that I have never seen
a project unwieildy assigned to me
A project that you assigned in jest
Against all odds my very worst test
I quit now, so summer I will frolic
Friday, March 11, 2005
A series of unfortunate work events
Dear Bloggy,
Today was just terrible.
My day started off on the metro. As I stood up to exit the train, I heard a very strange sound. It sounded like a cat spitting up a very big fur ball. Well, it wasn't a cat that spit up.
Some poor gentleman blew chunks all over the train. Oh man, talk about foreshadowing.
You should have seen how fast people got out of the train! It was amazing. They wouldn't let the train leave the station until a hazmat team arrived.
And then my day went downhill from there. I was pestered to finish the project from hell. I am beginning to understand why some animals gnaw of their limbs to get out of traps. I am going to call in sick one day and say I have Ebola. I won't be coming back.
My day was so bad I need to create a list why this day was so bad:
1. Criticized for use of passive aggressive voice in writing.
2. Developed thicker layer of skin due to criticism at today's 4 hour discussion about my paper
3. I got caught behind a haze of ciggy smoke as I lept from the metro.
4. My boss noted that I do more editorial work than analytical! Wow, briliant observation buddy!
5. Considered quitting for the upteenth time. Totally imagined sending in my resignation e-mail.
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: status
I quit.
OR
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: I quit
I'm serious.
OR
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: status
Paper not done
Project not done
I quit. Done I am. (Notice use of passive voice)
OR
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: status
Cherry blossoms bloom
Then they go away
Just like me....
If I were more disciplined I would learn how to write a haiku. I can't seem to control my urge to use passive voice in my writing. NOT! My boss wrote that section of the paper! God, I am working with dodos.
Today was just terrible.
My day started off on the metro. As I stood up to exit the train, I heard a very strange sound. It sounded like a cat spitting up a very big fur ball. Well, it wasn't a cat that spit up.
Some poor gentleman blew chunks all over the train. Oh man, talk about foreshadowing.
You should have seen how fast people got out of the train! It was amazing. They wouldn't let the train leave the station until a hazmat team arrived.
And then my day went downhill from there. I was pestered to finish the project from hell. I am beginning to understand why some animals gnaw of their limbs to get out of traps. I am going to call in sick one day and say I have Ebola. I won't be coming back.
My day was so bad I need to create a list why this day was so bad:
1. Criticized for use of passive aggressive voice in writing.
2. Developed thicker layer of skin due to criticism at today's 4 hour discussion about my paper
3. I got caught behind a haze of ciggy smoke as I lept from the metro.
4. My boss noted that I do more editorial work than analytical! Wow, briliant observation buddy!
5. Considered quitting for the upteenth time. Totally imagined sending in my resignation e-mail.
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: status
I quit.
OR
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: I quit
I'm serious.
OR
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: status
Paper not done
Project not done
I quit. Done I am. (Notice use of passive voice)
OR
boss@dolt.com
from a@dolt.com
re: status
Cherry blossoms bloom
Then they go away
Just like me....
If I were more disciplined I would learn how to write a haiku. I can't seem to control my urge to use passive voice in my writing. NOT! My boss wrote that section of the paper! God, I am working with dodos.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
The sky is falling, the sky is falling....
Dear Bloggy,
I am very bored and waiting for the snow to blanket DC. Here is my top 10....
People I HATE:
1. My co-worker Shoopie
2. My neighbor who stole my trashcan and recycle bins
3. The other neighbor who doesn't wave
4. Mr. Martha, the grumpy neighbor across the street who also doesn't wave
5. Elaine, my neighbor who moved to the 'exclusive' part of the hood
6. Freaky people on the Metro
7. Anybody that lights up on a metro escalator in front of me
8. Snarky co-workers who leave crumbs
9. Authors who write overrated novels like 'Prep'
10. Rude accountants
Luv,
A
I am very bored and waiting for the snow to blanket DC. Here is my top 10....
People I HATE:
1. My co-worker Shoopie
2. My neighbor who stole my trashcan and recycle bins
3. The other neighbor who doesn't wave
4. Mr. Martha, the grumpy neighbor across the street who also doesn't wave
5. Elaine, my neighbor who moved to the 'exclusive' part of the hood
6. Freaky people on the Metro
7. Anybody that lights up on a metro escalator in front of me
8. Snarky co-workers who leave crumbs
9. Authors who write overrated novels like 'Prep'
10. Rude accountants
Luv,
A
Friday, February 11, 2005
Two by two, the pineapples entered the ark
Oh I have seen spring! Concrete pineapples are the new harbringer.
I saw two baby concrete pineapples on my neighbor's mini yard. As you may know, my neighbors are quite fond of decorating their brick homes with stark grey 1-2ft concrete pineapples. Today I saw two little ones proudly hanging out. Doing the pineapple thing. So this is the second set I have seen.
They seem to be breeding. If this continues I may need to cull the herd.
Anyway, my neigbor stole another recycling bin. I don't understand how. The numbers were clearly labled using six inch bright and reflective letters from Home Depot. It is not a total loss. They left their old one on my driveway. Guess what. It's mine now. I just spraypainted it. I feel like a Viking. I saw it and claimed it. The end.
I didn't take it. It just seems like they swapped theirs out. I wish this recycle bin insanity would stop. I am going to have to go back to Home Depot to get more numbers and letters. Watch out if you ever visit my house. I am so paranoid about things getting stolen I might put 3 inch reflective sticker numbers on you.
I saw two baby concrete pineapples on my neighbor's mini yard. As you may know, my neighbors are quite fond of decorating their brick homes with stark grey 1-2ft concrete pineapples. Today I saw two little ones proudly hanging out. Doing the pineapple thing. So this is the second set I have seen.
They seem to be breeding. If this continues I may need to cull the herd.
Anyway, my neigbor stole another recycling bin. I don't understand how. The numbers were clearly labled using six inch bright and reflective letters from Home Depot. It is not a total loss. They left their old one on my driveway. Guess what. It's mine now. I just spraypainted it. I feel like a Viking. I saw it and claimed it. The end.
I didn't take it. It just seems like they swapped theirs out. I wish this recycle bin insanity would stop. I am going to have to go back to Home Depot to get more numbers and letters. Watch out if you ever visit my house. I am so paranoid about things getting stolen I might put 3 inch reflective sticker numbers on you.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
There by the grace of God
I narrowly escaped with my life today. I was on my way home on 395 and was in the fast lane. Traffic ahead of us stopped suddenly. And boom three cars in front of us crashed. We braked. We almost hit the car in front of us. Somehow the car behind us stopped quickly too. We stopped within six inches of the car in front of us.
We called 911 and that was it. The police took care of the rest. The people in front of us looked OK and would walk away. Their cars were demolished.
This has been some Fat Tuesday.
We called 911 and that was it. The police took care of the rest. The people in front of us looked OK and would walk away. Their cars were demolished.
This has been some Fat Tuesday.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
It's beginning to look alot like grand larceny
Well, I've been trashcanKnapped.
My trashcan is gone and I haven't received a ransome note. I can safely assume that my trashcan is gone baby gone. This is not good. I "lost" a recycling bin about two months ago. I am starting to see a pattern.
I don't understand how this happened! The trashcan is clearly labeled with the street name and number. It just didn't sprout legs and decide to go for a walk or roll...whatever the case may be!
Since it was trash day today, I drove around my neigbOOrhood searching for my trashcan. If I saw my trashcan I was going to kidnap it back. What's mine is mine. What would the thief do? Call the police and say that someone stole back their trashcan? I think not.
I think I probably raised the hackles of the neighborhood watch! I am sure they were thinking....why is the person who I think is the nanny/contractor driving around and slowing down near the recycle bins. Are they trying to take my alumninum cans?
Anyway, after my unsuccessful canhunt, I went to Home Depot to purchase a new trashcan. They only had wastebaskets.
Why would anyone do this? Does my neigbor need a new trashcan and decided to salvage the one next door. Are their bands of little vagrants stealing trashcans for nefarious purposes? Did aliens abduct my trashcan?
Note to skunky trashcan stealing varmint of a neigbor! I am going to put a webcam up and find our who you are! I will not rest till I have justice!
My trashcan is gone and I haven't received a ransome note. I can safely assume that my trashcan is gone baby gone. This is not good. I "lost" a recycling bin about two months ago. I am starting to see a pattern.
I don't understand how this happened! The trashcan is clearly labeled with the street name and number. It just didn't sprout legs and decide to go for a walk or roll...whatever the case may be!
Since it was trash day today, I drove around my neigbOOrhood searching for my trashcan. If I saw my trashcan I was going to kidnap it back. What's mine is mine. What would the thief do? Call the police and say that someone stole back their trashcan? I think not.
I think I probably raised the hackles of the neighborhood watch! I am sure they were thinking....why is the person who I think is the nanny/contractor driving around and slowing down near the recycle bins. Are they trying to take my alumninum cans?
Anyway, after my unsuccessful canhunt, I went to Home Depot to purchase a new trashcan. They only had wastebaskets.
Why would anyone do this? Does my neigbor need a new trashcan and decided to salvage the one next door. Are their bands of little vagrants stealing trashcans for nefarious purposes? Did aliens abduct my trashcan?
Note to skunky trashcan stealing varmint of a neigbor! I am going to put a webcam up and find our who you are! I will not rest till I have justice!
Monday, December 20, 2004
My Christmas list
I wasn't fired today. Thank goodness. They confuse me so.
Anyway, it was time to leave and I jogged over to McPherson Square since it was so cold.
I saw and heard alot of weird things on my ride home today. First, I saw a woman who had an enormous broach on her head. It was definitely a broach...not a scrunchie or things of that sort placed ever so delicately on her head. I wondered how it was attached to her head but I am too polite to ask such a thing.
Secondly, this lady next to me chatted up another and discussed Christmas gifts. She said her husband was a bit strange. He created a "WISH LIST" and asked for extravagant things like Plasma screens and tickets to Bowl games OH my! Regardless of what he wants, she said he is just going to get one pair of NIKEs. Regardless of what she says, I feel sorry for this man.
I always wanted a pony. Perhaps, if I were friends with this lady, she might get me a pair of Nikes too.
I am glad that I am home now.
Anyway, it was time to leave and I jogged over to McPherson Square since it was so cold.
I saw and heard alot of weird things on my ride home today. First, I saw a woman who had an enormous broach on her head. It was definitely a broach...not a scrunchie or things of that sort placed ever so delicately on her head. I wondered how it was attached to her head but I am too polite to ask such a thing.
Secondly, this lady next to me chatted up another and discussed Christmas gifts. She said her husband was a bit strange. He created a "WISH LIST" and asked for extravagant things like Plasma screens and tickets to Bowl games OH my! Regardless of what he wants, she said he is just going to get one pair of NIKEs. Regardless of what she says, I feel sorry for this man.
I always wanted a pony. Perhaps, if I were friends with this lady, she might get me a pair of Nikes too.
I am glad that I am home now.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Nasty coworkers and other dark tales
Wow, I wasn't fired today! It might have been a mercy.
I have the meanest coworker on the planet. I have never met anyone so painful to be around. Honestly I am a little afraid of her. During Halloween, she gave out really nice candy bars. I don't trust her enough to actually eat the candy bar. This alarms me greatly.
She was in a particularly schizo mood today. She varied between ignoring me and criticizing my sense of direction. I unfortunately had to go to a meeting with her. I usually try to avoid her. Today it was impossible to avoid Shoopie.
There isn't alot that I can do to aggravate Shoopie; she is in a foul mood most of the time. So I make the best use of my arsenal. I have a Shoopie Indicator. I am for +5 score as "good" on my performance indictor!
Weapon Reaction Effect
"Good Morning" Glare +5
"How are you" Grimace +3
"How was you weekend?" Groan, look of pain +10
"How is your cat?" Happy -10
"Vacation" Varies -5 to +5
"I need your help" Evil Eye +25
"I have a question" Loss of consciousness +50
Now I am going to listen to some Trance and think about my younger years.
I have the meanest coworker on the planet. I have never met anyone so painful to be around. Honestly I am a little afraid of her. During Halloween, she gave out really nice candy bars. I don't trust her enough to actually eat the candy bar. This alarms me greatly.
She was in a particularly schizo mood today. She varied between ignoring me and criticizing my sense of direction. I unfortunately had to go to a meeting with her. I usually try to avoid her. Today it was impossible to avoid Shoopie.
There isn't alot that I can do to aggravate Shoopie; she is in a foul mood most of the time. So I make the best use of my arsenal. I have a Shoopie Indicator. I am for +5 score as "good" on my performance indictor!
Weapon Reaction Effect
"Good Morning" Glare +5
"How are you" Grimace +3
"How was you weekend?" Groan, look of pain +10
"How is your cat?" Happy -10
"Vacation" Varies -5 to +5
"I need your help" Evil Eye +25
"I have a question" Loss of consciousness +50
Now I am going to listen to some Trance and think about my younger years.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Bad kitty
Oh my. I have found more original ART on the web.
This kitty looks really angry. I am not kidding. I think I am going to go to hell for criticizing other people's art....well....it will be worth it in this case!
http://www.shopgoodwill.com/viewItem.asp?ItemID=1090179
I find this picture really odd. The kitten has no eyelids. Also, the kitty is in the center of the painting surrounded by strategically placed flowers. OK, I've never seen any cat look that intent unless it was dinner time. And I don't see any kitty kibble around this kitten.
Oh good lord, the kitty is just surreal. Does it just hang out in the garden look surprised all day?
OK, must hold back...cannot stop commenting. The light....it seems to be coming from up above. There is too much light on its head. It is almost angelic. But it looks surprised. Perhaps it is looking at a hawk on a really bright day. Is it thinking, I think the hawk is going to....oh no, why, I am too cute to die, surprise, urp, the end.
Maybe Death be a pineapple tonight!
This kitty looks really angry. I am not kidding. I think I am going to go to hell for criticizing other people's art....well....it will be worth it in this case!
http://www.shopgoodwill.com/viewItem.asp?ItemID=1090179
I find this picture really odd. The kitten has no eyelids. Also, the kitty is in the center of the painting surrounded by strategically placed flowers. OK, I've never seen any cat look that intent unless it was dinner time. And I don't see any kitty kibble around this kitten.
Oh good lord, the kitty is just surreal. Does it just hang out in the garden look surprised all day?
OK, must hold back...cannot stop commenting. The light....it seems to be coming from up above. There is too much light on its head. It is almost angelic. But it looks surprised. Perhaps it is looking at a hawk on a really bright day. Is it thinking, I think the hawk is going to....oh no, why, I am too cute to die, surprise, urp, the end.
Maybe Death be a pineapple tonight!
Godspeed cute little squirrel
I am going to tell the tale of a squirrel so bad he was featured on America's Most Wanted. He is on the Interpol watch list for criminal activities such as stealing nuts and making himself a nuisance at bird feeders. I will call this squirrel Bob. His name has been changed to protect his family of 20 siblings and 50 children.
Bob is a very assertive squirrel. He begs for food in Lafayette Park in DC. He will walk right up to you and chitter. To me it sounds like "GIMME GIMME GIMME." I often shoo Bob away from my lunch. I tell Bob the squirrel to "GO AWAY YOU CUTE LITTLE RODENT. Ok here is the cookie. Now go away before I have to give you my chips" I've lost many a negotiation to Bob. I don't know what happens.
One morning I was walking to work. I left McPherson Square and was very glad to have survived my commute. I crossed some streets and was thinking "Today is going to be alright....I am not going to get fired!" And then I felt a squish under my foot. I look down and see I stepped on Bob! Oh God! Bob the squirrel is dead and I stepped on him! Oh the humanity! Bob had a run in with a taxi cab! I can't confirm that a taxi killed him but I'd like to think it was quick. They are the fastest drivers in DC. It is the best way to go.
Dearest Bob the squirrel, godspeed you cute little rodent! I hope you go to the big chocolate chip in the sky!
Bob is a very assertive squirrel. He begs for food in Lafayette Park in DC. He will walk right up to you and chitter. To me it sounds like "GIMME GIMME GIMME." I often shoo Bob away from my lunch. I tell Bob the squirrel to "GO AWAY YOU CUTE LITTLE RODENT. Ok here is the cookie. Now go away before I have to give you my chips" I've lost many a negotiation to Bob. I don't know what happens.
One morning I was walking to work. I left McPherson Square and was very glad to have survived my commute. I crossed some streets and was thinking "Today is going to be alright....I am not going to get fired!" And then I felt a squish under my foot. I look down and see I stepped on Bob! Oh God! Bob the squirrel is dead and I stepped on him! Oh the humanity! Bob had a run in with a taxi cab! I can't confirm that a taxi killed him but I'd like to think it was quick. They are the fastest drivers in DC. It is the best way to go.
Dearest Bob the squirrel, godspeed you cute little rodent! I hope you go to the big chocolate chip in the sky!
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Bad chickens
Oh my goodness, it is art gone wrong. See for yourself:
http://www.shopgoodwill.com/viewItem.asp?ItemID=1079784
Those are some really bad chickens.
What was the artist thinking? Oh my gosh, today I am going to sculpt Chickens! And I am going to color them too! Oh if you bid, be aware that the chickens aren't authenticated!
I wonder....are these mass produced chickens? Is there some kind of Perdue clay assembly line of unauthenticated multicolored hens? The horror!
http://www.shopgoodwill.com/viewItem.asp?ItemID=1079784
Those are some really bad chickens.
What was the artist thinking? Oh my gosh, today I am going to sculpt Chickens! And I am going to color them too! Oh if you bid, be aware that the chickens aren't authenticated!
I wonder....are these mass produced chickens? Is there some kind of Perdue clay assembly line of unauthenticated multicolored hens? The horror!
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Note to self, civility is dead.
Today has not been stellar. I have had the worst commute home ever. This ranks right up there with the ice storm of 97. That was a very cold day. I vowed never to work in DC ever again.
On Wednesday eve, I left McPherson Square and ventured onto the Blue Line. I was aghast at the number of people squeezed onto the trains. No problem.
More people come on at Farragut West. OK. Things are a little tight, but I can still breathe.
OK, at GW/Foggy Bottom, all hell breaks loose. I am stuck in a corner and can go no further back on the train. There is a group of three people, one is in a wheel chair, and they are sitting in the reserved area. I am the closest person near them. There is no way to get past them. A bunch of people get onto the train. This lady tries to squeeze past me. I tell her I can't move there is a person in a wheel chair right behind me. I tell her there is no space to get past. She says EXCUSE ME. I tell her NO, you can't get past without hopping over the person in the wheelchair's legs. She says she is going to do it anyway. I told her that "You are RUDE!." She hops over. I am dismayed. My fellow trainmates are digusted as well. One person says that people will do anything. I agree. For the next 15 minutes I hear this person complain about rude people on trains.
I am really really dismayed at the lack of civility on Metro. If I had one of my hospitality pineapples I would have hit her in the ole noggin. Death be a pineapple tonight!
On Wednesday eve, I left McPherson Square and ventured onto the Blue Line. I was aghast at the number of people squeezed onto the trains. No problem.
More people come on at Farragut West. OK. Things are a little tight, but I can still breathe.
OK, at GW/Foggy Bottom, all hell breaks loose. I am stuck in a corner and can go no further back on the train. There is a group of three people, one is in a wheel chair, and they are sitting in the reserved area. I am the closest person near them. There is no way to get past them. A bunch of people get onto the train. This lady tries to squeeze past me. I tell her I can't move there is a person in a wheel chair right behind me. I tell her there is no space to get past. She says EXCUSE ME. I tell her NO, you can't get past without hopping over the person in the wheelchair's legs. She says she is going to do it anyway. I told her that "You are RUDE!." She hops over. I am dismayed. My fellow trainmates are digusted as well. One person says that people will do anything. I agree. For the next 15 minutes I hear this person complain about rude people on trains.
I am really really dismayed at the lack of civility on Metro. If I had one of my hospitality pineapples I would have hit her in the ole noggin. Death be a pineapple tonight!
Friday, October 01, 2004
The way of the Drunken Noodle
Well I haven't been fired yet. It is quite amazing. Truly the strongest and most adept survive. Watch out Shoopie and Minion, I have big opposable thumbs and I am not afraid to use them!
Anyway, life continues in Northern Virginia. Another Thai restaurant opens...the Earth continues to spin.
Welcome to Northern Virginia. Northern Virginia is the piece of Virginia that is situated west of Washington DC, eastern and southern border is ever expanding. Watch our Richmond and Front Royal!
In NOVA, there are 100 Thai restaurants per 100 persons. And this is a good thing. One hasn't lived until one has eaten drunken noodles. Sometimes there is a drunken noodle fatality and the rato drops to 100 Thai restaurants per 99 persons. I almost witnessed a drunken noodle incident. Luckily our waiter was quite alert and filled our water glasses before anything got out of hand.
In NOVA, you can't buy fake Kate Spades because the police are always alert. The police are really on the ball in Northern Virginia. They have helicopters, boats, swat teams, and multiple shooting ranges. If I were a criminal, I would go elsewhere. I am not sure where but Northern Virginia is really not conducive to nefarious business.
The people in Northern Virginia are from all around the world. However, they have one thing in common. They loooove their shopping. They particularly looove their warehouse clubs. If you ever want to go on Arlington safari, I suggest you go to the COSTCO in Pentagon City. There you will see Northern Virginia finest scampering about looking for the best deal on 1 hundred pounds of nuts and 10 loaves of bread. This is the ultimate place to go for pre-snow chaos storm shopping. This is also a wonderful place to get tires. I love to shop but I even I cannot handle the other ultimate shopping playground, TYSONS CORNER.
Tysons I and II and the surrounding area frightens me. I am not sure if its the people or the fact that I lose my car everytime I go there. I often spend more time looking for my car than shopping. It stresses me out. And the parking is so darn aggressive. I wonder why. The people have to get out of the cars to shop. They have to become pedestrians too one day. Well, you can have your car valet parked at Tyson's II. Regardless, I have almost gotten hit by Hummers, Lexuses, and Mercedes. This is not good because these are all big vehicles. I much rather get hit by a GEO or PRIUS. Or better yet, I wouldn't mind getting hit by a BEETLE. I could roll right over the windshield and land gently on the roof, brush myself off, and go to Cinnabon and chortle about what just happened. If one gets hit by a Hummer, I am afraid that you should probably say Hasta la vista baby and call 911. You are going to be terminated.
Anway, I will probably go shopping tomorow and eat some drunken noodles. Truly that is a perfect day.
Anyway, life continues in Northern Virginia. Another Thai restaurant opens...the Earth continues to spin.
Welcome to Northern Virginia. Northern Virginia is the piece of Virginia that is situated west of Washington DC, eastern and southern border is ever expanding. Watch our Richmond and Front Royal!
In NOVA, there are 100 Thai restaurants per 100 persons. And this is a good thing. One hasn't lived until one has eaten drunken noodles. Sometimes there is a drunken noodle fatality and the rato drops to 100 Thai restaurants per 99 persons. I almost witnessed a drunken noodle incident. Luckily our waiter was quite alert and filled our water glasses before anything got out of hand.
In NOVA, you can't buy fake Kate Spades because the police are always alert. The police are really on the ball in Northern Virginia. They have helicopters, boats, swat teams, and multiple shooting ranges. If I were a criminal, I would go elsewhere. I am not sure where but Northern Virginia is really not conducive to nefarious business.
The people in Northern Virginia are from all around the world. However, they have one thing in common. They loooove their shopping. They particularly looove their warehouse clubs. If you ever want to go on Arlington safari, I suggest you go to the COSTCO in Pentagon City. There you will see Northern Virginia finest scampering about looking for the best deal on 1 hundred pounds of nuts and 10 loaves of bread. This is the ultimate place to go for pre-snow chaos storm shopping. This is also a wonderful place to get tires. I love to shop but I even I cannot handle the other ultimate shopping playground, TYSONS CORNER.
Tysons I and II and the surrounding area frightens me. I am not sure if its the people or the fact that I lose my car everytime I go there. I often spend more time looking for my car than shopping. It stresses me out. And the parking is so darn aggressive. I wonder why. The people have to get out of the cars to shop. They have to become pedestrians too one day. Well, you can have your car valet parked at Tyson's II. Regardless, I have almost gotten hit by Hummers, Lexuses, and Mercedes. This is not good because these are all big vehicles. I much rather get hit by a GEO or PRIUS. Or better yet, I wouldn't mind getting hit by a BEETLE. I could roll right over the windshield and land gently on the roof, brush myself off, and go to Cinnabon and chortle about what just happened. If one gets hit by a Hummer, I am afraid that you should probably say Hasta la vista baby and call 911. You are going to be terminated.
Anway, I will probably go shopping tomorow and eat some drunken noodles. Truly that is a perfect day.
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