Monday, June 26, 2006

Apre moi, le deluge

Well in case you haven't heard, all hell is breaking loose in Washington DC:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/06/26/AR2006062600234.html

Yes, we have a interim time during our West Nile summer vacation, its summer flood time everybody. We are expected to get rain for the next four days or so. And we are already doing so well with just one day!!!

Currently, the Department of Homeland Security is advising commuters to bring small rafts or personal inflatable kayaks in case they need to evacuate Metrorail in a hurry. Yes, wouldn't it be fun to go under the Potomac tunnel: underwater and on a kayak! Plus with the electrified third rail, it'll just be like a Disney ride. Pirates on the Potomac. I digress...you'd have to get on to K street for that ride.

Its kind of funny to have this quasi natural disaster right now. It really keeps my mind off the big things.

Joe and his toe on the metro

As I was returning home on Metrorail last week, I overheard a very strange conversation.

This 20ish year old man "Joe" was talking to his pals and lamenting the state of his toe. Apparently, that morning the metro escalator tried to eat his toe. He fought back, but the metro escalator took a good chunk off. Normally, this wouldn't bother me but I looked down and saw the toe. It was covered in alot of gauze and wrap. I almost hurled on Joe's toe. I was buried in a book and didn't realize that the offending digit was right next to me.

I can't imagine who would be more horrorfied...me, the toe, or Joe.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Beating coffee beans into bullets

Today there was much rejoicing. A Caribou Coffee opened on 15th and L. Now I am in the center of the coffee trifecta. Au Bon Pain, Starbucks, and Caribou Coffee.

However, not all my coworkers share my joy. I was talking to "Ethel" in the break room and expressing how happy I was to get a free coupon for Caribou Coffee. In walks "Bill." He proceeds to tell me how Caribou Coffee is owned by an Islamic Bank and how they fund terrorists. (I have researched this issue and found yes most of their stock is owned by an investment bank Islamic Bank of Bahrain but they do not have any ties to terrorists.)

I tell him I think he is full of crap about the terrorism ties. He told me to go ahead and "Stick My HEAD INTO the sand. And my Coffee is funding terrorists." I roll my eyes at him and say "Whatever...I am going to enjoy my coffee"

What a jerk! Who is he to question my patriotism? I love the United States. If I thought for one minute that my coffee beans were used to fund bullets, I'd be the first one to stop drinking coffee from there. I am not going to drink "Conflict Coffee."

Wow what a conspiracy theorist! I think Bill is off his meds. I can't wait till he retires too. I am going to secretly replace his Folgers with Caribou Coffee Beans and see if he can tell the difference!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Surburban Poachers:

I had a terrible terrible problem with my dryer. It smelled like something died in it. It was time to go to the Professionals.

Mr. Dryer Guy came on time and promptly figured out the problem. I had an abandoned nest composed of rotting mulch in my dryer vent. Nothing died, it was just a gross leftover nest type of thing. I wanted to hug Mr. Dryer Guy! He got to work and then the neighbors started to come over.

They talked to Mr. Dryer Guy and began to interrupt his work. Since Mr. Dryer Guy works by the job not by the hour, I really didn't care if he discussed business with him. I am quite annoyed with my neighbors though. They don't introduce themselves, they just try to poach my contractors. I only see them when I have an outdoor house problem. Actually, they have mistaken me for a contractor because they don't recognize me (even though I live next door to them in Cameron Station)

I have thought about creating joke business cards and handing them out. Is that illegal?

I really might make alot of money as an amatuer mulcher and small garden stylist.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Stockholm syndrome worker case study

I forgot to bring the Moet to work. I was going to toast at my main enemy Shoopies retirement party!

Today was her last day.

It was a very very strange event. The retirement party started like a presentation. Her bosses got up and talked about what a great person she was. It was very much like a funeral except the deceased was looking on with a sneer. Basically every body said she was this awesome worker bee and she didn't suffer fools.

One of her mentorees Mr. Mini-Me got up and talked about how her biting criticism made him stronger. And wow isn't she great!

I think these people have a variant of Stockholm Syndrome. I hope with some time and therapy they will get past this.

I stifled the giggles as I watched the eye rolling from all of the other 'mentoree.' My office roommate Ms. Hothouse Flower told me that this afternooon was so 'sad' because this lady is retiring. I mumbled something back.

I never thought I'd see this day because I thought I'd quit before she retired.

I'd like to quote the Munchkins:

"Ding dong the Witch is dead, the Wicked Witch is dead"