I am going to tell the tale of a squirrel so bad he was featured on America's Most Wanted. He is on the Interpol watch list for criminal activities such as stealing nuts and making himself a nuisance at bird feeders. I will call this squirrel Bob. His name has been changed to protect his family of 20 siblings and 50 children.
Bob is a very assertive squirrel. He begs for food in Lafayette Park in DC. He will walk right up to you and chitter. To me it sounds like "GIMME GIMME GIMME." I often shoo Bob away from my lunch. I tell Bob the squirrel to "GO AWAY YOU CUTE LITTLE RODENT. Ok here is the cookie. Now go away before I have to give you my chips" I've lost many a negotiation to Bob. I don't know what happens.
One morning I was walking to work. I left McPherson Square and was very glad to have survived my commute. I crossed some streets and was thinking "Today is going to be alright....I am not going to get fired!" And then I felt a squish under my foot. I look down and see I stepped on Bob! Oh God! Bob the squirrel is dead and I stepped on him! Oh the humanity! Bob had a run in with a taxi cab! I can't confirm that a taxi killed him but I'd like to think it was quick. They are the fastest drivers in DC. It is the best way to go.
Dearest Bob the squirrel, godspeed you cute little rodent! I hope you go to the big chocolate chip in the sky!
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