Today I conducted a preliminary analysis of the White House squirrel population. Here is an official transcript of an interview with an especially hyper one.
I asked Mr. Whitehouse Squirrel, "Come down from that tree! What do you think about the state of the union?"
Reply, "I am doing OK. I have enough acorns to last me the winter. Do you have any trailmix?"
No, I can't offer you gratuities in exchange for the interview.
Mr. Whitehouse Squirrel said, "Oh OK. What about a peanut then?"
No, no peanuts. Let's get back on the issues! Has nut production decreased over the last several quarters?
Mr. Whitehouse Squirrel said, "I have no idea. I usually beg for sandwiches if I don't get enough nuts. It is amazing what you can get from tourists if you look cute enough"
I saw you with that tourist! You almost bit the hand that fed you!
Mr. Whitehouse Squirrel said, "I know. I got a nice pat on the head and a sandwich"
You are not supposed to touch the squirrel.
Point taken. Interview over. Mr. Whitehouse Squirrel went to harrass a tourist.
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