Northern Virginia post report

Well I haven't been fired yet so I guess I am going to talk about living in Northern Virginia. The following will be very helpful to anyone relocating to the area.

On arrival at Dulles Airport, you will receive two concrete Pineapples. On arriving at your new home place the concrete pineapples around your home. Northern Virginia folk place concrete pineapples around their property as decorative objets. They aren't used to ward off evil spirits or the tax man. Don't worry if your pineapples match your house, no one's "pineapples of hospitality" do. If you have a home bigger than a townhouse you may need more than 2 pineapples to establish a hospitality perimeter. If that is the case, go to Home Depot where there is a wide selection of concrete fruits to choose from.

Once in country, try to establish key relationships with the locals. The locals enjoy talking about where to get the best tomatoes and drink microbrew. If they have toddlers, you might want to discuss what college their parents are planning for them and who is the best soccer coach for the post embryo in training set. It is always appropriate to discuss commuting time, what one does, and how much one makes. Their is an informal caste system based upon Federal grade level. You can recognize this based upon how many hospitality pineapples a person has in their yard. A four pineapple yard is nothing to sneeze at. Don't worry you will have your chance to accumulate pineapples. Just be patient.

Northern Virginian folk aren't very friendly or helpful. They would sooner take your pineapples then offer assistance. Neighbors of many months are known to turn their nose up and ignore a friendly wave and hello. Don't take it personally, it is just a custom. I have a particularly evil group surrounding my townhouse. They often mistake me for a contractor as I am working on my townhouse. I often thought that I should create letterheard and invoices and start charging them for my time. The only time a neighbor talks to me is when they mistake me for a contractor. What is frightening is that the same neighbors make the same mistakes! Good grief where are these people from Northern Virginia? Anyway, I am planning to paint my pineapple of happiness in urban camo. I got the idea from a Cabelas catalogue. I wonder if the home owners association will notice it.