Cherry Blossom Time

Here is a news update. The entire universe is going to be in DC tommorow to look at the cherry blossoms. They will ooh and ahhh, break some twigs, get stuck on metro, and generally look lost.

I am going in and taking pictures of the event. I am not sure if I am more excited about the cherry trees or the crazy ass tourists who are going to overrun the city.

I am currently looking at my career options, rebuilding Aghanistan as a civil servant in a flak jacket or joining the crew on Whale Wars. I have no seamanship skills. I would probably be stuck in the galley making butter bombs.

The week in review

I almost bought a T-Shirt that says that "Stupid People Make My Head Hurt." I think it is very appropriate for this week. I am not sure how I got though it.

Work really sucks and it isn't just because the economy sucks. No this general suckiness was manmade and completely preventable. We currently experienced a regime change and the whole organization was switched about. And it wasn't because the Democrats are in office!

It seems like this organization shifts itself about every five minutes. Since I have been there we Re-org'ed 3 times, i moved between five offices, 2 floors, 4 roommates, and a few meltdowns.

Do Senior Executive Staff take a course in Bureaucractic Reorganization? Every time we get a new SES person they like to move us about like chess pieces. Geez people, if it isn't broke don't fix it. You loose institutional history and expertise when you bandy people about.

Duck almost got Pekinged

Well work was fun today. And I am researching job transfers.

I am definitely looking forward to this summer....one of my "Favorite" staff is leaving. I just want to send this person my regards and thanks for the memories.

Thanks for the following items:

1. Canceling my Thanksgiving plans a few years back. It cost about $250 to change my flights. You didn't even need me that day for the meeting!
2. "Teaching" me how to use a very basic formula in EXCEL.
3. the general lack of respect and rudeness
4. "You change your mind like a girl changes clothes"
5. canceling various types of training

Ok. Well, as I walked to Metro I saw a crazy ass mallard duck just stop in the middle of the street. It looked like it was being indecisive. I am not going to make that same error.

EndGame

I am looking to get the hell out of Dodge or at least to go to a different part of town.

Current managment threw the whole organzation up in the air and expected things to fit back together like a jig saw puzzle. As a result, no one knows what they are doing. I think they have pushed us back at least five years as an organization.

I really hoped it would work out. However, the new apparatchik seems to enjoy Management as Crisis to Crisis rather than instigating some organizational stability. As a result, the more experienced staff are leaving. And I hope to be one of them.

Once I was asked what type of managment style I might have. Honestly, I am not exactly sure but I know what not to do now.

What I learned from The Caine Mutiny

I just watched the Caine Mutiny and found relevant strategies to deal with a crazy-ass management team.

1. Ignore the crazy and just play along
2. Assume that upper management will ignore the crazy and play along too
3. Tenure means everything
4. You are screwed if you don't have any allies.
5. Don't stick your neck out unless it is life threatening
6. Sometimes you just gotta count the strawberries

Thanks Herman Wouk!

Sinking Ships and Diminishing Returns

Currently morale is at an all time low at work. There has been a regime change we have a new Apparatchik. Everybody is looking for a new job or retiring so they don't have to deal with all the crap. I am currently looking at becoming one of the crew members on Whale Wars and slinging rancid butter at Japanese Boats. I am joking but the level of futility is about the same.

I am really in shock how bad the work environment is. I guess it made sense to reorganize us in an abstract kind of way. Hmmm one of the results is that no one knows what the F### we are doing.

I can't believe this person is Senior Executive Service. Didn't they learn anything?

Oh F### everything right now!

Current Academic Meltdown

I am not doing well academically right now. I find it difficult to listen to a pompous, left leaning, misogynist, dodo head professor.

I need to get my stuff together and just get over it.

Why can't liberals and I just get along?

Happy DC Moments with Zantac

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger!

You might be a redneck...

Today in DC a crazy person rode his bike in the crosswalk, right in front of me. He looked at me and said "You don't look like a redneck."

I am not sure how to interpret this.

The Italian Stallion

I work with lots of male economists. Usually, I coexist peacefully with them. I don't bother them during March Madness and they don't bother me when I do my online shoe shopping. I don't talk Ugg to them and they don't bother me with any sports related chatter.

However, there is one male economist who I call the "Italian Stallion." He thinks he is God's Gift to Women. I heard him in the hall bragging about his "way with women" and how they "like foreign accents." Apparently, in college a another student asked him if he and his friend were Italian. He said yes to this poor co-ed and started speaking Serbian to his friend with a fake Italian accent. The "Italian Stallion" did not say whether the co-ed bought this or not.

I do not recommend this behavior as a mating/dating strategy. Based on what else I heard in the hall, I don't think anyone is going to be paying for stud service.

The Economics of Stuff

I have too much stuff. I just dropped three bags of stuff at the Goodwill and made a U-Turn on a very busy street to go right back in and get different stuff. I don't understand why one bag of stuff is better than the stuff I just dropped off.

Oh I know why! It is the thrill of the hunt! I can buy hardback books for $2 and paperbacks for $1. It is the complete randomness of the stuff that fascinates me. Sometimes the stuff is good and sometimes it is just trash. This week, I bought a Burberry Trench Coat for $35 dollars! I have always wanted a Burberry Raincoat but I never wanted to spend a thousand dollars for the privilege.

Also I love the fact that I have to keep an eye on my cart or someone will actually try and run-off with my hand selected used items. People circle like sharks! I am not afraid to say "Hey, that's my stuff!" and they usually slink away. I have only observed this behavior at Costco. People ruthless steal cart and run off with your stuff there too. It is amazing how crazy people get when you get between them and their rotisserie chickens.

Economic Report of Whitehouse Squirrels

Today I conducted a preliminary analysis of the White House squirrel population. Here is an official transcript of an interview with an especially hyper one.

I asked Mr. Whitehouse Squirrel, "Come down from that tree! What do you think about the state of the union?"

Reply, "I am doing OK. I have enough acorns to last me the winter. Do you have any trailmix?"

No, I can't offer you gratuities in exchange for the interview.

Mr. Whitehouse Squirrel said, "Oh OK. What about a peanut then?"

No, no peanuts. Let's get back on the issues! Has nut production decreased over the last several quarters?

Mr. Whitehouse Squirrel said, "I have no idea. I usually beg for sandwiches if I don't get enough nuts. It is amazing what you can get from tourists if you look cute enough"

I saw you with that tourist! You almost bit the hand that fed you!

Mr. Whitehouse Squirrel said, "I know. I got a nice pat on the head and a sandwich"
You are not supposed to touch the squirrel.

Point taken. Interview over. Mr. Whitehouse Squirrel went to harrass a tourist.

Economic Highlights of 2008

Wow what a year to be an economist! Here are my favorite economic highlights!

1. Rice Panic of Summer 2008
2. Jim Cramer's Rant on CNBC
3. Short Sellers, Fannie Mae, and default credit swaps Oh My!
4. Note to Banks: Merge, Baby, Merge!
5. Offshore Drilling will fix gas prices, NOT!
6. Keynesians are back in Vogue for 2009!
7. SIPC is the new FDIC
8. Belges take Budweiser
9. Consumers save money and spend it on HDTVs at Walmart
10.Madoff scandal proves rich people are greedy too!

Eat fish, not Whales

I am watching a new show on Animal Planet called Whale Wars. Wow, the crew on the Sea Shepard are absolutely nutto extremists. And extremists of any stripe scare me!
I am anti-whaling but I don't agree with the methods of this group at all. I just wish that they would let the Australian government handle this.

So I watch about 8 episodes of Whale Wars and am absolutely stunned that Animal Planet is actually filming this. Here is why I don't like the show.

1. I see the same 5-6 dead whales every episode. The show is starting to feel a lot like thinly veiled propoganda. Have they saved any whales?

2. The Captain is putting his crew in danger.
Untrained crew are trying to put zodiac boats in rough water, launch, and try to board another vessel. This is very dangerous if you don't know what you are doing.

3. The Sea Shepard is engaging in piracy. They are throwing rancid butter bombs at another ship and trying to board them.

4. They are operating a ship in Antarctic waters and it can't handle ice. Wow! If ice breached their hull, they might sink!

I think what Japan whaling is awful. If I had the money, I would buy all the companies that engage in whaling and put a stop to it. It can't be that difficult to switch to commerical fishing. I wish some environmentalists would consider peaceful means to achieving their goals, rather then extreme actions.

Flying to DC in Third World conditions

Good lord, I hope I never have to fly Thankgiving weekend ever in my whole live. I say this year after year, and as you know those that don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

I can't believe it but I miss my super efficient, blackberry texting, non-smelly airport denizens in DC. They line up, they don't usually smell, and they respect my personal space. Unfortunately, this did not happen in the airport I flew out of. I saw some line rage. It was scary. But I got pushed to the edge too when one family of 6 people tried to cut me in the TSA line. I had to speak up or I was going to miss my flight. I said "Hi, I am in back of this family" and I took my little box for coat and acountrements. That was just the final straw. I made my flight with minutes to spare. Thank god, because I don't think I could have dealt with the patchouli smelling people any more. Geez, I wonder why the drug K9 was drooling when he came by to check out the people in front of me in line! I personally got cursed out by some people with delightful Jamaican accents. It is so much nicer when they say, "Get a move on!"

This airport was in the US but it seemed like third world service. The people who worked at the airport kept on screaming at people who tried to ask them questions.
Good god man, the horror the horror!

Social Study of Economists Vice Behavior

My main vice is caffeine, specifically in the form of coffee. I have tried to quit, but until they come out with a caffeine patch, I am afraid that I won't have success. I didn't drink coffee as an undergraduate. I think that is because coffee used to suck. Thanks to the West Coast, Coffee Bean Industrial Complex, otherwise known as Starbucks and Seattle's Best, coffee is much better. In this spirit, I am going to name the 7 Deadly Sins for Economists. This is based on an unscientific survey of my co-workers.

1. Coffee
2. Cigarettes
3. Alcohol
4. Uncontrollable firting with the opposite Sex
5. Text Messaging
6. Procrastination with one's homework
7. Messy Desks

Happy Precedent Day!

Next week is Thanksgiving. Thanks to our annual tradition at work, I will be working most of next week like a maniac. However, some of my co-workers are actually allowed to take next week off. This sucks! I guess my former Chief, "Mr. I don't want to start a Precedent" wasn't able to hold the line with the other staff.

At this rate, I think I will eventually be in charge of everything and fulfill my Machiavellian need to be Queen Economist of the World.

Also, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I would like to thank my co-workers who do the bare minimum at work. Thanks. You might not realize it, but your incompetance helps! Thanks to you and your lack of work ethic and our performance system, I get more of a pay raise! Thank you for being the tail of the normal distribution, and not on the nice end!

Hierarchical Chain of Demand

I firmly believe in the Dilbert Principle. If I were Queen Economist of the World I would create a model and prove that incompetant managers get promoted while the worker bees toil in obscurity. The incompetants also have Phds in Economics and ask
lower order Economists for special tabulations of data. They go on to riches, adoration, and jobs with President Elect Barack Obama. Yes, I am serious this has actually happened. Oooh I am a little bitter tonight!

Actually that's one of the reasons why I decided to go to grad school. I was constantly handling special tabulations of data that people were using to get their PHds in Econ and also published papers in Economics journals. Hell, I still don't understand why I didn't get in to that damn Phd program. I'll get there one day damn you and I will get into a better ranked program! Well FU and the horse you rode in on!!!

Anyway, someone asked me to alter space and time to get a project done. This is one of the new managers outside the "hierarchical chain of demand". I tried to explain the time continum but it didn't work. Hence I am working this weekend to make the world a better place.

Before I graduated in my degree program, they made sure I was comfortable with using the word "hierachical." At work, I try to use it every chance I get. The other Economists get confused by words with more than 3 syllables.

Veterans Day

Veterans,

Thank you for serving the United States and protecting our freedom.

Northern Virginia and Apocalypse Now

Well I read a funny quote from Joe McCain and I have to say I agree with him!

He said:
"I've lived here for at least 10 years and before that, about every third duty I was in either Arlington or Alexandria, up in communist country..."

It is really tough living here in the northern virginia collective, a bastion of liberals. I am really tired of hearing people at near home and work discuss how the government should do more to help. Geez people, we shouldn’t depend on the government to be our nanny! What is great about America is that we have much opportunity and freedom. Even in these tough economic times, we can further ourselves by education and frugal living. You have more opportunity in America than anywhere else.

The northern virginia governments are spending far too much money on citizen services. They are involved with housing, medical services, and job programs. I say cut them all and let people pay for their own stuff. If they can’t, then move. I pay a lot in taxes and don’t get a lot of return. The roads suck and I don’t have children in the public education system. We have a sizable illegal immigrant population whose children are going to public schools and are also a drag on government expenses. Obviously, something in Virginia is not working.

So I was quite amused by Joe McCain’s quip. It was so unpolitically correct and refreshing! To be exact though, I recommend you reacharacterize them as Northern Virginia, Quasi-Socialists Conflicted Yuppies.

Double Standards

Oh I just read a New York Times article that made me furious! They are going to allow the IMF director, Dominiqe Strauss-Kahn to continue working there even though he had an affair with a married subordinate. Wow, I am totally shocked by the double standard that it is acceptable for the IMF director to have a fling but god forbid that Wolfowitz (Former World Bank President) had a fling with one of his subordinates. It sends a bad message to staffers within the Fund and World Bark that ethical lapses are OK if you are European. This is totally unacceptable. If I were Queen Economist of the World I would fire his ass.

Crazy Exxon Clerk

As if high gas prices aren't enough, I had to deal with a crazy ass Exxon Clerk.

I had the audacity to pay with cash. You have to pay before you pump gas, so I gave him $40 and said $30 on number 4. He wasn't going to give me any change until I insisted. So I went to the number 4 pump and tried to pump the gas. It didn't work. The crazy ass clerk ran out of his booth and started yelling at me and the poor fellow on the number 3 pump. He screamed "She said number 3" I said "No, $30 on number 4" The other motorist freaked out and yelled at the clerk "YOu can't talk to ME like that" Mayhem insued. Basically, it took me 15 minutes to get it figured out. Some other motorist called the cops because the clerk and the other motorist were yelling at each other.

Next time I am going to pay with a credit card and I am never going to that Exxon again.

Fat Bums don't need change

I never give change to bums. I think most of them are druggies, alcoholics, and/or crazy. Basically, I don't want to deal with them.

They basically engage in economic warfare with each other. They each have a corner and work at certain times of day. One guy times it to coincide with morning and evening rush hour at McPherson Square. I see the same bums every day working the same corner. They are actually quite industrious.

So I am not going to give them change or incentive to hang out and bother me every day. This summer, I saw one of the regulars shoo away a new lady begger. Geez, that was terrible in alot of ways. That lady was using her kid as a prop to beg for change.

In DC, the homeless have alot of services like food, medical care, and even a place to stay if they are so inclined. It isn't bum nirvana, but their needs are met. I am not a heartless Republican ogre....well yeah kind of. I am just amused that bums negotiate their trade just like CEOs. Protect your turf, eradicate your opponents, and maintain profit share.

The Art of Saying, Hi Y'all

I must be invisible and so must my next door neighbor. We arrived home at the same time and the neighboors across the street ignored both of us. This is the first time I have been ignored at the same time as next door neighbor. THis is quite sad but I am pleased that it isn't just me.

Fine. Don't say hi neighbors.

You both look like fat bumblebees in your bike spandex! It really doesn't look good on either of you. Snap.

Coffee rage, a new Northern Virginia Pastime

I officially declare that I hate DC and surrounding Northern Virginia city states (Arlington and Alexandria). They could not have picked a worse spot for our Capitol City. I don't think anyone would want to occupy us because they couldn't deal with the heat and humidity. I think the heat here is worse than Miami.

We are currently dealing with freak deluges of rain and some Starbucks closings. Consumers are starting to panic and start harrassing the people who make their coffee. The Washington Post is reporting that some someone named Mr. Simmermon flipped out about not getting a cup of ice with his espresso. See here:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/16/AR2008071602018.html
Obviously Mr. Simmermon is not well and needs immediate sedation. If you can't handle your caffeine, then get out of the coffee shop. This guy seems like a total Tool! Divert your rage, man, it is just espresso!

I hate Wednesdays

Today started auspciously, I threw up my cornflakes on my carpet. My day did not improve.

When I got to work, I was all hot and sweaty and had to figure out what to do about lunch. Due to previous cornflake trauma, I ate saltines and coke.

Needless to say I looked like Death Warmed over most of the day. This scared the office mate and affected office productity.

Someone asked me what I like about DC. I told them I like the airports, the shopping and Butterstick the panda. Everything else sucks.

TO top things off, I left my key badge in my office and was locked out in the hallway. I waited 20 minutes to be left in cause everyone left for the day.

I need a shot of Grey Goose and call it a night.

Absent minded, ADD, or just getting old?

The longer I've worked in economics, the more absent minded I become with practical things like:

1. I forget to turn on the dryer after loading clothes
2. I leave things in the fridge until they turn into petri dishes of goo.
3. I have no playing patience for Warcraft or Gears of War. I only play chess.
4. Small children and whiny young economists irritate me

I am turning into a Generation X Economist Curdmudgeon. Uuugh.

I am going to go work on my Bucket List.

Circle of Hell known as DC in June

It is hot as hell in DC. My hair is frizzing out due to the humidity. That is all.

On Economics, the Dismal Science

If I see one more study about multifactor productivity or the Cause of the Great Depression I am going to scream. That has got to be one of the most boring topics ever. I am really shocked how repetitive the most dissertations and papers are. Do you know what MFP and the Great Depression have in common? It is really easy to get data about these issues and regurgitate one's opinion.

Oh and the entire Freakanomics and Tipping Point phenomena really irritate me. Anyone can plug and chug numbers and look for relationships. The general public seem in awe of the Freakonomics gurus! It isn't rocket science people, it is something called Statistics! And as for the Tipping Point, I think I read the virus phenomena in the Andromeda Strain! Develop an original thought dude!

I am so peturbed....I am going to watch the Gummy Bear Video on Robot Chicken to cheer me up.

Scarcity

Due to an evil chief information officer, my training class was canceled. I hate the new CIO.

Holy Maneki Neko Batman!

I attended an Economic Conference in the DC area this week. I witnessed one of the worst presentations ever (WPE). This person created a presentation about how creative products/intangibles should be classified or estimated in the System of National Accounts.

Here is why this presenter sucked.
1. You finished your presentation by saying your summary wasn't worth it!
2. You contradicted yourself in your examples.
3. Your English was incomprehensible.
4. I'll never have those 15 minutes of my life back.

You have no excuse to speak so poorly. If I were presenting in another language...I would have written my speech and practiced. There is no excuse for poor planning, especially at this level.

How to run with the Economist Herd

Hi,

Based on observation and life experience I recommend the following to "fit in" with a group of economists. This is very helpful at economic conferences or safari as I like to think about it.

1. Wear funky glasses
2. Laugh at stupid jokes from the Federal Reserve presenter, He/She knows we'd give our souls to work there.
3. Have bad hair (this is a sure indication of genius!)
4. Develop a squint and head tilt
5. Run a chair-to-coffee-pot 5 second sprint and sometimes grab a pastry

That is all.

Irrational Consumer Behavior

Today I would like to rant about irrational consumers and the economists who love them.

1. I think that mortgage firms and borrowers are equally to blame for the crisis. On one hand, you have mortgage companies that makes money off of lending money to as many customers as possible. Then you have borrowers who want to pay as little as possible and who opted for adjustable rate mortgages or subprime loans which are very high risk. You have consumers that can barely pay and little or no penalites to the mortgage companies that finance these loans. Now you have state governments trying to intervene in real estate markets to reduce the number of foreclosures. Stupid consumers! Stop buying crap you can't afford! Stupid greedy mortgage firms, you should have done your due diligence! Dumb state governments, let them eat cake!

2. I don't understand consumer behavior at all you can eat breakfast buffet lines. I don't understand why people pile a ton of food on one plate. I mean they can theoretically go back for more. Why do consumers insist on piling eggs, bacon, pancakes, fruit, syrup, toast, oatmeal, more pancakes and crab legs (just kidding) all on one plate. Are they that lazy they can't walk up to the buffet to reload? I have a pet theory. They think if they don't get it now, it could be gone, so why don't they take it ASAP. They are inherently selfish and don't want to share the syrup. Thats my unscientific opinion.

If I got into the PHD Econ program, I planned to test my crazy ass theories in the experimental economics lab. But alas, perhaps it was not meant to be. Well, I will eventually apply to a higher ranked program so there! Hah!

WTF moment with Wall Street Journal

What happened to the Wall Street Journal? I just read an article from Brett Arends called "Load Up the Pantry" at http://finance.yahoo.com/banking-budgeting/article/104914/Load-Up-the-Pantry. It is one of the most inane things I have ever read!
The author recommended that one should stock up their pantry in case of rising food prices. I feel like the article is a tack on to the rice panic of 2008 that most of the media outlets reported. Here is why I think the article is ridiculous:

1. Hello people, commodities are quite violatile! Plus if prices are that high, more farmers/ag producers might increase production and eventually cause a price drop. The commodity prices could very well go down!

2. Let's not forget the Fed either. Thanks to our Monetary Patron Saints, Former Fed Chair's Volker and Greenspan, United States policy had been price stability and stable economic growth. Bernake is on the same page.

3. I don't believe something unless they quote the source. They quoted statistics but didn't say the source whether it was the CPI or PPI price series.

Shame on the Wall Street Journal for such a bad article. If consumers are that concerned about price increases, create a Victory Garden or buy a share of a milking cow.

Day 2 Rice Panic and reality TV

I must send a thank you note to Bravo TV for providing me the best in escapist reality shows. I wuv you I really really do! Where else can I see extremely rich good looking people bitch and complain about everything! Not in DC. The rich are very ugly here. Don't get me started about waiting in line at the prepared foods counter at Whole Foods. This old well dressed witch shoved me aside to get her vittles. Manners people, manners!

Here is my take on the "Real Housewives of New York City"

Ramona:
In one episode, you see Ramona talk to her daughter about having an freedom fund or an impolite way to say it is an "FU Fund". I think it is valid advice to have a fund where you can walk if a job or situation isn't work out. A really mean French person named Michelle gave me some advice, "Information is Power." I disagree. Money is.

Alex:
In the reunion episode she quoted Ayn Rand regarding contradictions? OMG! I am deeply disturbed that a social climber like that quoted Ayn Rand.

Luann:
She seems like a nice lady but is really obsessed with her Countess title. Are people impressed with this in America? I mean I guess she is married to French royalty. I really thought most of the french royalty thing ended with the French Revolution!

Bethanny
I really like her. She seems like such a smartass. I want to see more of this on TV. I was devastated when Gilmore GIrls ended.

Jill
I think you are awesome and a great counterpoint to Ramona. It is like watching Good versus Evil. Darth vader versus luke skywalker in a suede outfit.

This stuff really takes my mind off the current rice panic, Day 2. If you really want to stress, look at the inflation adjusted cost per gallon of gasoline.

Rice panic of 2008

Dear Consumers,

I have been reading about your irrational response to the rice futures market. Currently Costco and Sam's Club is preventing you from buying multiple bags of 40lbs basmati and jasmine rice. Are you crazy consumers going to export your rice or something!? Do you think rice is going to be like $40 per pound or something? You are causing me, who doesn't even like rice, to think about buying a 40lb bag JUST IN CASE! Don't Panic! What is it about grain prices that cause people to go all a twitter!

Socialization

One of my favorite shows is the Dog Whisperer. Caeser Milan knows dogs. I mean this man works with pit bulls and has all his fingers. I wish there was a Neighbor Whisperer. I said Good morning to someone at the shuttle stop. They looked shocked. Geez people, get a hold of yourself. It is just a "Howdy" not an armed robbery. I know this isn't a shock but I have no friends in this neighborhood. Everyone either has a dog or twins. Yes thanks to aging females and fertility treatments my neighborhood is full of them. Sometimes they run in packs with their dogs.

Arithmetic for PhDs

It is scary to think about, but sometimes at work I have to answer e-mails from the public. I like to think of myself as Santa Claus, the Economist. If you are nice, I will go out of my way to help you. If you are naughty, well, god help you. Just kidding, let's just say I don't help you as much.

I had to respond to a customer who sent a very curt e-mail. I told him we don't have the data but try this place and sent him some links. He wrote back immediately and said he couldn't find it still. No thanks or anything, just really a curt response back. I politely told him to try the link again and add the numbers together. Yes, a someone who has a doctorate in science couldn't figure out how to add together a couple rows of data on a web page I sent. Oh shame shame lazy academic!

On being a packrat

I am currently cleaning my office again! The spouse assisted. I looked at a box full of miscellanous doodads and said, "It looks a serial killer collects this stuff!." Mr. Spouse quietly agreed.

That is all.

DC Papal vist

I saw the Pope in DC following his White House visit.

I have never seen such crowds and such characters. It never fails to amaze me that Americans will protest anything and anybody. I just wanted to see the Pope and I did. It is one of the things I wanted to do on my "100 things to do before I die" list. I didn't think it was going to be crossed off. I never want to visit Italy because the Italians are super inefficient about their trains and economy, eat too much pasta, and have hellacious traffic. And I don't drink wine.

Highly concentrated Catholics

Well we can all breathe a sigh of relief. The cherry blossom crowd dispated. Tomorrow I will face the Papal visit crowds. Every week there is some sort of event in DC. Lots of reasons to be late for work! Thanks tourists! You give me a valid excuse to be reasonably late!

I have never experienced such a large number of Roman Catholics in the DC area. I have to say my least favorite crowd event was the the IMF-World Bank protestors about 10 years ago. Those people were awful. They looked like hippies and they threw things. I had the misfortune to be near them due to circumstance, a Foreign Service exam, in a building smack in the middle of the protest zone. I found out after trudging around the action from the Security Guard that the State Department canceled my interview for that day. Geez, don't they have phones at the State Department? I broke into tears! I obviously did not get in the Foreign Service or any bonus points for showing up in medias res of a protest.

At this point in life I am really glad I don't work for them. I really wouldn't want to work in some Third World hell-hole. No, I get to work in DC. I like to refer to DC at the fourth circle of Hell.

Cherry Blossom Prime Time

Currently, the Cherry Blossoms are at peak bloom. I don't need the washington post to inform me, I can tell by the sudden influx of tourists. Aaah tourists! What a breath of fresh air. Well in some cases. I can't stand their children on the metro train. The children are insane! They scream and yell and pick their noses. I can't tell you how disgusting that is. I was silently screaming inside.

The tourists dress in vibrant colors like yellow and red. Most DC commuters wear black which usually matches their mood. I am going to descend into the madness and visit the Tidal Basin sometime within the next few days. Wish me luck!

Too much stuff

I am currently in my office and concerned by the state of affairs. I can't walk INTO my office without walking over stuff. I have stuff on my desk, stuff on the floor, and more stuff in files. Good God I need to stop shopping and start filing.

My office looks like a cargo ship overturned and all the stuff that was supposed to go to TJ Max ended up on the shore. Lovely!

Pre-Ides of March celebration

I think we should celebrate the Ides of March. We should all dress up in togas and drink lots of wine. We should designate someone as Caeser and chase them around trying to mock-stab them. Sounds like a good party to me. However if you believe the news reports most Americans don't know what March 15th is and secondly they may not be able to figure out the time of the party because all Americans are bad at math.

I am American and fairly good at math but not good enough to get accepted to that PhD program. I am still annoyed by my rejection from the PhD program. I am dreading sending notice to the people who wrote my letters of recommendation. I feel like I wasted their time. Blah.

I feel like this really kills my academic dreams. I guess I need to work on a backup plan.

Angry, angry

I am so angry about my rejection from the Phd program. I have been so busy that I haven't had enough opportunity to really seethe and wallow in my anger. I want to go to their office and scream at them, Why why why! Perhaps, I will send them a kindly worded e-mail and ask to be waitlisted. This has just been devastating. My poor little ego has taken a cruel blow!

Rejected!

I was rejected from the Ph.D program! This sucks!

Have I angered the Gods? Have I sinned against the Laws of Supply and Demand? Can I have my application and GRE payments back? Damn you Admissions Committee! I am awesome! How dare you deny me my rightful place in the universe!?

I must regroup and then plot my biblical revenge. I am just kidding. I am just going to go shopping.

All Hell Breaks Loose

This week has been very eventful. Various media outlets have been stalking one of my neighbors. I have never met this one personally, but is this a shock? They wait outside the townhouse in order to get a picture or videotape. Whats good for the goose in good for the gander. I took a picture of them! Enjoy!

Finch vs the yuppies

In my neck of the surburbs, the finches are ruthless little beasts. They chitter, they nest, they expell horrible horrible things on the brick. Basically, they are a bane to humanity. They also like to build their homes in our dryer vents. As you can very well imagine, this is a serious fire hazard.

Today I saw my neighbors trying to clean out their dryer vent of finch material. These are the same neighbors who ignored my husband when he told them of the finch problem. Most of the neighbors have little grid metal covers over their dryer vents. The wife just stared at us and as we walked along the sidewalk. I don't wave now unless waved too. She gave us a half assed wave. We saluted back.

It only takes one village idiot to burn down the planned community.

How to take a picture of a peep

Here are directions how to shoot/not kill/ photograph peeps in their natural setting.

1. Peeps are cheap. If you break one, just tear off another.

2. Rationalize how the torn peep doesn't have feelings and stuff it in your mouth.

3. Put other peep on black card board with white cardboard background and add something cute.

4. Add flash because your living room is darker than a dungeon.

5. Add other peeps and chick.

6. Eat them all. Post pictures on Flickr.

Voila!

I hate Thursdays

I get really annoyed on Thursdays. I am not sure why. In fact, I freaking hate Thursdays.

I had the most intense meeting of my life today. I had to present a topic and was interupted like 4 thousand freaking times. I developed a severe headache during the meeting. Afterword, I tried to fix this with an espresso shot mixed in with regular coffee. It is called a "Depth Charge." I like coffee drinks named after weapons.

Today, I really wish I had a castle. So if someone asked me a stupid question or interupted me, well I would just through them in the moat.

Stupid Economists Tricks

I haven't heard any PhD admission news. I am questioning whether I should have taken the GRE a third time to bump my scores up.

I got so stressed out at work today cause the workload increased tenfold. I am so OCD about getting things done! I must drive my coworkers batty.

One of my coworkers is in the middle of their own soap opera. It is better than online radio and Ugly Betty! What is going to happen tomorrow? Will she return to her ex and live happily ever after?

Status Report

I have various matters to report.

1. My Phd application is finally in and being reviewed. I am waiting for word.

2. My coworker did not infect the entire Division with her contagious skin parasite. We are all breathing a sigh of relief that the mites did not mate.

3. I was outside the door to my home when I saw one of my neighbors peeking at me throught their window. I waved at the old lady. I like to tweak people like that.

Thats how I roll in northern virginia.

Yuppie food

I gorged on pizza. I currently feel like a snake that ate one too many pinkies. I ate really awesome pizza too..feta, carmalized onions, and thin crust. I also ate half a vegetarian sandwich called a "Yuppie Veggie" Well, if the shoe fits....
This is how I roll.

Heebie Jeebies

We currently have a contagious situation at work. As a card carrying germaphobe, I am absolutely horrified. I read the Andromeda Strain and know what can happen! Is the CDC going to come in an purge us! I know I have a serious case of the Heebie Jeebies. I think we should call on the special Economist SWAT team and rectify the situation.

Also in random news, all the baristas at the local coffee joints know me. I am a regular. Wow!

Bed, Bath, and Bitchiness

Over the Christmas holiday, I had to go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy an essential item. Don't ask me what it was. Just understand that I needed it and BB&B was the only convienent place to get it.

I had the misfortune to be in the slowest line ever. On a positive note, I got to hear this guy bitch about returning his Braun Tassimo TA 1400 Hot Beverage System
coffee maker. He discussed his complaints about this coffee maker with the store clerk. The entire line just gawked.

Complaint List:

1. a standard coffee mug doesn't fit in the cup slot
My counter argument: You don't drink capuccinos in giant coffee mugs because you can die from that much caffeine! And have you ever heard of pyrex?

2. I have to stand there and push a button.
My counter argument: Don't you have to push a button for a drip coffee maker?

3. I can't believe the Tassimo TA 1400 Hot Beverage System is a Braun product
My counter argument: None. The relationsip between electric shavers and coffee makers perplexed me.

Thank you Mr. Coffee Maker guy. I had no idea the return line could be so entertaining.

On being a misanthrope

I am really starting to dislike most of the human race. If I owned Montana like Ted Turner, I'd live out the rest of my life riding horses, fly fishing, and eating steak. I'd be happy never to see another living soul. Well, OK I wouldn't mind conversing with a few selected souls.

Anyways, I have come to the realization that I truly despise some people and that is OK. In fact, I told one odious person at work that "I don't like people." This person seemed surprised and didn't get the hint to leave my office. Wow!

I think I am turning into a curmudgeon. I have been expending so much effort toward my GRE efforts that I have little time for anything else. I hope to put 2007 behind and embark on a better life. Jeez, I sound like I need to go on Dr. Phil.

New Year's Resolutions

Dear Bloggy,

Here are my New Year's resolutions.

I am going

1. Start my Zombie novel...something I always wanted to write

2. Take a crack at Linear Algebra and Vector Calculus

3. Bid adieu to some depreciating assets

4. Develop mean streak to optimize my Machiavellian Potential at work

Goodbye 2007. You were a very very very bad year. I am going to toast 2008 with Moet et Chandon and to hell with everything else.

GRE part deux

I spent another $140 and took the GRE again. For that amount of money, I should have gotten a cappucino. Instead I got Union Workers protesting and screaming and pounding on Homer Buckets in front of the building. I could actually hear them as I took the exam. This was truly a special DC moment. NOT!

My score on the quantitative improved dramatically. However, my verbal score seemed to have dropped quite a bit. I think I got bored with the questions on the verbal side.

Anyways, I don't know what next year will bring. I hope it will be better than the last one.

Pencils

Once again I talk about pencils. I thought I needed them for the GRE. At the exam, I found out they provided the pencils, tissues, and a very nice locker to store my mechanical pencils.

I don't understand my obsession with sharp writing instruments. At this point in evening since I have run out of rum, I consider whether I should chuck everything and go to grad school for international studies.

I am just kidding about the rum. I am not kidding about the pencils.

Veni, Vidi, GRE

I survived the GRE. Afterword, I went to Caribou Coffee and got a mocha. I needed it.
Based on my scores, I think God truly has a sense of humor. I think I will have to retake it to get into the econ program. However, its all aces if I want to go to a Humanities program.

Well back to the drawing board.

Blog to God

Dear God help me with my upcoming GRE,

As I walk through the valley of GRE
I fear no quantitative analysis
For thou art with me when I do that section
Thy calculator and excel are may be at home
They comfort me even

I need to do well on quantitative so I get into the Phd program!

The aggravated economist

Things slow down in the government Thankgiving week. We yawn, we read the NYTIMES online, and we play chess. I was viciously taking away from a chess game due to a data call. My ex-officmate is currently answering most of the data calls that come into the office. She forwarded a tough case to me. I had to clean up the mess.

First she had confused them about what data were available, where they could find it, and how to download. It was so FUBU.

The data caller herself was a bit daft. First she spoke really really fast. Second she had a New Yawk accent. As a southerner I don't understand New York-ease.

I tried to help her I really did. I finally gave up explaining and told her I'd send her the stuff she needed via e-mail.

Economists are dangerous creatures

I left work around 7:30 PM last night. It was the proverbial dark and dreary night. As I walked to my metro station I heard this man yelling and screaming about women. I think someone just broke up with him. He said "Women are X#$! and women are $#%^" I realized that this guy is a total fruitloop. So I took out my mechanical pencil and was prepared to use it. Yes people, I was going to use my ergonomic mechanical pencil to gauge his eyes out if he dared mess with me. Luckily, I didn't have to use the pencil.

I think one lesson to learn is, "Don't mess with economists. They are usually armed with sharp writing instruments and not afraid to use them"

Crimes of knit and consequence

I have made some attempts at developing a hobby. Unfortuately, my efforts have been for naught. Here is a summary.

1. I tried weaving
bought lots of cute yarn
weaved about 30 rows
created some sort of unusable cup holder
promptly donated skeins to Goodwill for betterment of humanity

2. I tried glass art
bought cute paints
painted pictures on glass
developed skin allergy to glass paint
donated products to goodwill for betterment of humanity

3. I tried painting plant pots.
bought more cute paints
painted about 5 plant pots
developed severe case of boredom
products hanging out in craft graveyard in my junk room.

I think I should be banned from Michael's Craft Store for crimes against crafts and humanity.

Don't mess with my turkey, Dude!

I was leaving my beloved "wholesale club" last Friday when this nicely dressed men muttered something. I foolishly thought he was asking for directions. No he was me asking for money! I shook my head and said NO! And I thought that was the end of that!

Well, this guy starts following me to my car! I get freaked out and run back into my beloved "wholesale club." I tell this lady who works there about this guy and she calls the Police!!! Luckily there is an officer who is posted outside the store and he immediately chases the guy across the street.


I hang out at the store until the officer gets back. I am totally freaking out and then I realize I somehow I managed to hold onto my rotisserie turkey during my sprint back to the store!

The officer gets back and tells me this guy is a "regular" and a panhandler. He can't arrest him for reason x and reason Y. OK I understood that. I am glad the guy was shooed away from the store. I am happy the police officer was there and I am safe.

Well, this incident really provoked alot of thought. You really have to be on guard in the DC metropolitan area. You really can't let your guard down. I have to say that I'd really like to move home and not have to deal with this kind of stuff.

If things got really bad, I think I would have thrown my rotisserie turkey at the bad guy, kick him, and ran like hell. I learned from my favorite movie, Battle Royale that anything can make a good weapon!

Oblivious butt flickr

I was crossing the street going to Potbelly to get my turkey on when this 'oblivious butt flickr' almost threw her ciggy ashes onto my gorgeous wool jacket.

I didn't scream stop but gave a gutteral 'unnghhg nooo" and it stopped her in her tracks. My coat is OK thanks for asking.

This lady was totally oblivious. A few moments earlier she almost stepped right in front of a cab. Doesn't everybody know that DC cabbies are freaking insane?

I prey she doesn't have progeny. I don't think the world can handle that much stupid gene.

Weirdos and other strange attractors

I recently read a New York Times article about how some people feel like they attract weirdos in their life. For example, one person felt like they had random crazy people just go up and talk to them.

I feel kind of the same way. Except, I feel like an unusually high number of people try to save my soul. I get approached by soul savers all the time.

There was a super creepy guy at the metro station today. He wore a suit and approached me from the side. I was ready to Tai Bo kick him until he said the magic words, "Are you familiar with the Lord....."

Oh God!

Dude, don't prostyleze at me. You almost got kicked cause I thought you looked like you were going to corner me or something.

I think that this is about the 20th time someone has tried to save my soul. I don't understand why? Do I look like I need saving? Do they sense I am a Republican?

Unadulterated Carnage

I have many resolutions for 2007.

1. I am going to learn how to play Gears of War.

2. I will attract better pinatas to my pinata garden.

3. I will try Indian food again.

4. I will have a big fat juicy steak at a big schmancy steakhouse in DC

5. I will not join a bookclub.

6. I will get annoyed at the number of people who have noted how long my graduate program will take and laugh at them. Don't they know I am going to live till 125 years old?

7. I am going to get my multivariable calculus and differential equations on.

8. I am going to take more taxi rides. My last two metrorail rides ended in tears.

9. I promise I will get annoyed with my outlaws.

10. I will visit the far reaches of North Carolina.

Sturm und Drang

Well, I have had enough of the office mate and requested a transfer. She is rapidly approaching delusional. I hope to be out of the office by the end of October. Since she is so mean, the proverbial gloves are off and I can make mock her without remorse.....if she kills me before then, perhaps my blog will be helpful to the authorities.

About two weeks ago she made an announcement. She told me that she is going to marry my coworker "Dean." So what do you say to that? I think I said "Oh"

Point 1: Dean and Ms. Hot House Flower aren't involved
Point 2: She is 42 yrs old and he is 25. Hellooo Mrs. Robinson
Point 3: "Dean" only dates asian ladies. And Ms. Hot House Flower isn't.
Point 4: She is dating some guy in Baltimore. Nice morals hunh?

I really want to be out of the office when she realizes that it isn't gonna work out between her and Dean. Watch out Dean, I think my office mate is a bunny killer a la Fatal Attraction.

When coworkers see Pookas

Well, I don't know if its weather related but my office mate seems to have lost her tenuous grip on reality. This is the office mate that I refer to as Ms. Hot House Flower (HHF).

She asked if I remembered a contractor who worked with us last year AKA 'JOE'. I said yes. She asked if I remembered when Joe called Ben (one of my coworkers) a 'Potato Head' (VEG is substituted to protect identity.) I scrambled for an answer and said 'I don't recall much of anything last year about this contractor.' She was somewhat mystified.

I can't imagine Joe ever calling Ben a spud head. Is Ms. HHF delusional? I don't know if I should tell my boss about this. It is just too weird to sit with someone who makes this stuff up.

Maybe she has an imaginary Pooka or in her case a Spudka or Potatoeooka.

Apre moi, le deluge

Well in case you haven't heard, all hell is breaking loose in Washington DC:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/06/26/AR2006062600234.html

Yes, we have a interim time during our West Nile summer vacation, its summer flood time everybody. We are expected to get rain for the next four days or so. And we are already doing so well with just one day!!!

Currently, the Department of Homeland Security is advising commuters to bring small rafts or personal inflatable kayaks in case they need to evacuate Metrorail in a hurry. Yes, wouldn't it be fun to go under the Potomac tunnel: underwater and on a kayak! Plus with the electrified third rail, it'll just be like a Disney ride. Pirates on the Potomac. I digress...you'd have to get on to K street for that ride.

Its kind of funny to have this quasi natural disaster right now. It really keeps my mind off the big things.

Joe and his toe on the metro

As I was returning home on Metrorail last week, I overheard a very strange conversation.

This 20ish year old man "Joe" was talking to his pals and lamenting the state of his toe. Apparently, that morning the metro escalator tried to eat his toe. He fought back, but the metro escalator took a good chunk off. Normally, this wouldn't bother me but I looked down and saw the toe. It was covered in alot of gauze and wrap. I almost hurled on Joe's toe. I was buried in a book and didn't realize that the offending digit was right next to me.

I can't imagine who would be more horrorfied...me, the toe, or Joe.

Beating coffee beans into bullets

Today there was much rejoicing. A Caribou Coffee opened on 15th and L. Now I am in the center of the coffee trifecta. Au Bon Pain, Starbucks, and Caribou Coffee.

However, not all my coworkers share my joy. I was talking to "Ethel" in the break room and expressing how happy I was to get a free coupon for Caribou Coffee. In walks "Bill." He proceeds to tell me how Caribou Coffee is owned by an Islamic Bank and how they fund terrorists. (I have researched this issue and found yes most of their stock is owned by an investment bank Islamic Bank of Bahrain but they do not have any ties to terrorists.)

I tell him I think he is full of crap about the terrorism ties. He told me to go ahead and "Stick My HEAD INTO the sand. And my Coffee is funding terrorists." I roll my eyes at him and say "Whatever...I am going to enjoy my coffee"

What a jerk! Who is he to question my patriotism? I love the United States. If I thought for one minute that my coffee beans were used to fund bullets, I'd be the first one to stop drinking coffee from there. I am not going to drink "Conflict Coffee."

Wow what a conspiracy theorist! I think Bill is off his meds. I can't wait till he retires too. I am going to secretly replace his Folgers with Caribou Coffee Beans and see if he can tell the difference!

Surburban Poachers:

I had a terrible terrible problem with my dryer. It smelled like something died in it. It was time to go to the Professionals.

Mr. Dryer Guy came on time and promptly figured out the problem. I had an abandoned nest composed of rotting mulch in my dryer vent. Nothing died, it was just a gross leftover nest type of thing. I wanted to hug Mr. Dryer Guy! He got to work and then the neighbors started to come over.

They talked to Mr. Dryer Guy and began to interrupt his work. Since Mr. Dryer Guy works by the job not by the hour, I really didn't care if he discussed business with him. I am quite annoyed with my neighbors though. They don't introduce themselves, they just try to poach my contractors. I only see them when I have an outdoor house problem. Actually, they have mistaken me for a contractor because they don't recognize me (even though I live next door to them in Cameron Station)

I have thought about creating joke business cards and handing them out. Is that illegal?

I really might make alot of money as an amatuer mulcher and small garden stylist.

Stockholm syndrome worker case study

I forgot to bring the Moet to work. I was going to toast at my main enemy Shoopies retirement party!

Today was her last day.

It was a very very strange event. The retirement party started like a presentation. Her bosses got up and talked about what a great person she was. It was very much like a funeral except the deceased was looking on with a sneer. Basically every body said she was this awesome worker bee and she didn't suffer fools.

One of her mentorees Mr. Mini-Me got up and talked about how her biting criticism made him stronger. And wow isn't she great!

I think these people have a variant of Stockholm Syndrome. I hope with some time and therapy they will get past this.

I stifled the giggles as I watched the eye rolling from all of the other 'mentoree.' My office roommate Ms. Hothouse Flower told me that this afternooon was so 'sad' because this lady is retiring. I mumbled something back.

I never thought I'd see this day because I thought I'd quit before she retired.

I'd like to quote the Munchkins:

"Ding dong the Witch is dead, the Wicked Witch is dead"

Queen Elizabeth wave

I went for a walk yesterday with Mr. Spouse. We often see neighbors and such on our stroll. I have learned that neighbors do not talk or acknowledge each other in Northern Virginia. In fact it is discouraged.

I can't help waving to them. I just can't stop my hand from saying "Hey Neighbor." They often respond by looking in the other direction or closing their garage door. So I have developed a new waving technique. I call it a "Sardonic Salute" I mix the Queen Elizabeth wave with short salute gesture. I have gotten mixed results.

However, the Sardonic Salute makes me happy. I get to be slightly sarcastic and neighborly at the same time. How can you go wrong with that?

Team building excercise in futility

Due to peer pressure, I caved in and attended a team building event at lunch today.

I will never have those two hours of my life back. Oh well.

We watched a movie..."Office Space", ate pizza, and had freezer cake.

I watched the movie, did not eat the pizza, and passed on the freezer cake.

I never eat lunch with any of the other people on the team. In fact, I really don't care for them. Being in the same room was pure torture. Also, my boss Mr. We Don't Want to Start a Precedent was there. It is really difficult to feel team spirit when my Boss flippantly canceled my Thanksgiving vacation this past year.

On a lighter note, I don't know how people can eat pizza and cake within 20 minutes of one another. They must have stomachs of steel. Then they drank Fresca. Good Grief, I am getting queasy just thinking of this unholy combo.

Take this job and shove it up your cherry blossom!

This is in response to a vacation request during a major holiday. I am gearing up to request a another. I must be strong!

Metro most foul!

I honestly do now understand how people survive MetroRail for more than one year.

It is to be quite frank, terrible.

Today took the cake. I lucked out with a seat. I was thrilled...for about 2 seconds. The person in front of me was very very stinky. As you may know, I am not a crass person. However, in this case, I must be once again be quite frank. The person in front of me smelled like a wet dog that rolled over a dead skunk, ate part of the dead skunk, and regurgitated said skunk. It was skunky de parfum.

I never thought of my allergies were a blessing. I thanked God that my sinuses were not clear and were shielding me from this terrible human being.

Well, this person left at the Reagan station. I didn't have to hold my breath for the entire trip.

I wish they had emergency potpurri sprays on the Metro in case of these dire situations!

Oh my heck, we lost Bertie!

I heard this on the metro train the other day. A very nice group of tourists lost one of their brethern. They didn't realize that "Doors Closing" means "Get your a## on the train now!"

As the train left, I overheard one say "Well, she can get on the next train"

I thought, "Oh my heck, I hope Bertie pays attention and picks the right color train or they won't be seeing Bertie for a while"

There should be a tourist primer for MetroRail!

Plant bouncers

I love Spring. I love the pollen in the air. I love the backbreaking yard work for a 6x8 space.

But I especially love the number of concrete yard animals and fruits that magically appear every spring! I swear it looks like Noah's Ark out there!

So far I found a sheep, a frog, a deer, and numerous pineapples. I often wonder where they buy these things! Do they all go en masse to the Williamsburg Pottery Factory. Or do my neighbors buy their goods at Smith and Hawkens.

I am always quite amused by the number of pots and front stoop decoration. One townhouse here had a plant pot on every step. It looked like you had to squeeze between 5 plant pots and the railing to get up the stairs.

Also, there is a new plant pot development. I noticed many neighbors buy 3-4 ft plant pots and stick them right outside their doors. They are huge! Especially if you had shrubbery. They look like a security detail or bouncers! Do these people realize that two 5 ft behomoths are a little bit out of proportion to their door and front steps?

Coffee coffee everywhere but you gotta get in line to drink!

There is one thing I really like about DC. I have numerous places where I can obtain coffee!

I have developed a serious coffee habit. I expect nothing less than perfection if I pay about $3.00 for an espresso or abour $2 for drip. How difficult is it to make good coffee for those prices?

My favorite place is definitely my local Au Bon Pain. They really do a nice job and are very consistent about my coffee. Plus the people there are super nice.

I tried my local Starbucks and found the drip coffee undrinkable. This is the one near 15th and K. It had a bitter chemical aftertaste and was terrible. I am not a Starbucks hater. I'll happily drink an espresso drink there. So I was quite shocked how bad their regular coffee was. I see people there line up about 15 deep in the morning! I began to wonder if their specialty drinks with milk and flavorings just mask a terrible taste?

Earth to Starbucks.....improve you quality control!!! I'm off to Carribo Coffee on L street or as I like to call them "FauxBoo" because of their fakey western decor.

Metro escalator attacks!

My day started out swell! I had a dentist appointment. It was pure torture. My appointment went OK but the patient next door wasn't doing too well. Mr. Dentist told her she may not be going home with all her teeth due to "insert medical language here."

Brush and floss. For God sakes, brush and floss everybody!!!

Anyway, I go home and then venture off the Van Dorn Metro to start my commute. I got my yoga mat and about 25 lbs of stuff in my backpack. I walk up the escalator and shish boom bam I bop my shin on the escalator! I screech like a banshee! The escalator has drawn blood. Thank god I feel partially on my yoga mat! Otherwise I may have had a broken wrist.

At this point I turn around and go home. And for a time I crawl under the covers.

I'm not kidding.

Escalator 1 Economist 0

The New Officemate, "Hothouse flowerus hysterius"

My normally sane officemate flipped her top today.

I guess between her new braces and her bad lunch, I knew something bad was going to happen.

We went on our 3 PM coffee break and all hell broke lose. I asked her how her lunch seminar went. I know, how could I? For Economists, this is a normal question. We often discuss boring things like lunches and who talked about what at that brownbag luncheon. However, this little Hothouse Flower took my question way too seriously. Her retort:

"What is this a test?" ......followed by "You are asking me like you are my supervisor"

Holey Moley! I don't know where that attitude came from!

I tried not to talk to her for the rest of the day. I hope she settles down and inhales a little Miracle Grow.

Miss Marple of the Airlines

Last week, my flight from Florida to DCA was anything but dull.

We kept getting delayed and delayed due to weird mechanical problems. Even the pilot announced over the intercom that we were "having a bad door day." Funny guy!

Anyway, the people in front of my were hilarious! I thought one of them died! Really!

About 45 minutes before we landed, the people in front of my pushed up over their aisle seat guy. They were really rude. Somehow the men just fell back asleep! OK so 20 minutes later, the people didn't come back. I guess they got lost in the lavatory. Scary! But anyway, the flight attendant tried to wake up the aisle seat guy! He didn't budge....I leaned over the seat a bit to see if he was still breathing. I couldn't tell. So the flight attendant got another attendant and they start nudging the guy. I am thinking Oh great, the aisle dude is dead and the people formerly in front of me killed him and are hiding in the lavatory. I should tell the flight attendant.

Luckily the guy wakes up! I thought for sure he was dead!!! The people in front don't return to their seats. Very mysterious eh?

So much for me being Ms. Marple.

So long and thanks for all the Fish, Mr. Greenspan

Tuesday January 31st is Alan Greenspan's expected last day at the Fed.

Thanks for keeping it real and rational Mr. Greenspan!!!

Godspeed in your post-Fed irrational exuberance!

Note, the title is a gentle allusion to Douglas Adams.

Yuppie panic attack

I went to Whole Foods in Annadale, VA to pick up overly coddled pony size streamed shrimp. And I found out that they closed! Oh the horror!

They moved to the new location in Old Town Alexandria. I looked at my spouse and whined, "Why oh why did they have to move" Yes, I had a Yuppie Panic Attack.

Apparently, Whole Foods up and left for posher pastures . I dread Old Town Alexandria due to the hellacious traffic, tight parking, and very evil parking structures.

The Old Town section of Alexandria already has a Trader Joes. Why must they have this Whole Foods too. Bloodthirsty Beaujolis swilling old towners !!! Damn them all to hell. I'll have to find another place to get overly coddled pony size steamed shrimp at a more convient location.

Freezer cake

I am thrilled about two things.

One of my mean coworkers has left for a new job. Her going away party was today.

I did not win the "Why I hate DC" and get the blog contest. See here: http://whyihatedc.blogspot.com/. The suspense was killing me. I'm glad it wasn't me....I will have extra time to pursue my arts and crafts projects.

Anyway, We need to ban going away parties. We have such a high turnover that someone asked me if we keep a cake in the freezer at work. So if someone announces their departure, all we have to do is defrost and serve.

Stairway to Heaving

I got coffee problems and the Thursday malaise and it ain’t pretty.

I wanted to try something new so I went to Cosi for coffee. I was extremely dissapointed by it. They charged me $2.41 for a gigante drip coffee. There was nothing gigante about it. In fact, I can get the same size coffee at Au Bon Pain for $1.81. Also, Cosi's coffee accessory bar is weak. They were out of skim milk and other add ons.

Why is it so difficult to have a good cup of coffee in DC?

And I don’t understand why people line up for Starbucks at 15th and K. Sometimes they are 20 deep. Honestly, the coffee isn’t very good. And, they don’t serve a very good cappuccino. Perhaps they just needed to get out of the office and the Starbucks is a nice refuge?

OK enough about the coffee. At lunch, I caught snippets of a really strange conversation.

One of the young economists here asked young economist to hit him on the right side of the head, not the left. I’m not kidding. Somebody really asked his pal to smack him. I am not sure of the context but hey does it really matter? I really wanted to volunteer and smack some sense into him.

I think these Generation Y coworkers are strange. One was also singing “Smelly Kat” earlier and playing the guitar. Also, on a daily basis one Gen Y coworker tries to sing and play Stairway to Heaven on the guitar. He can’t get past the 5th or 6th note. I am starting to have nightmares about this Lady and this Gold thing and this whole Stairway to Heaving.

According to the Cameron Station Bee

In case you don't know, there has numerous package thefts in my Alexandria neigborhood over the Christmas holiday. This has caused much consternation and unease among the yuppies.

Our local coffee place, Cameron Perks, began to offer a package delivery service. You could have your stuff shipped to the Coffee shop and they will charge you $3 to hand over your package/hostage. No, I'm not knocking them for charging ransom money. I think they are providing a valuable service during these troubling times.

Anyway, UPS, Fedex, DHL stopped dropping off any packages on people's front doors in Cameron Station. So if you wanted to get your ChristmassHanukahKwanza stuff, you had to go and pick it up at their warehouses. I personally lost a Monastery fruitcake because UPS would not believe I actually wanted my fruitcake dropped at my front door. They returned it to the Monastery in Berryville. http://www.monasteryfruitcake.org/ I know....poor me. But I love those damn fruitcakes.

I digress. So in January 2006, I receive the latest edition of the Cameron Station Bee, the community newsletter. The thief was arrested! The details were shocking!

Here they are:
1. The thief was a neighbor!
2. The thief had 60 packages!!!
3. An alert UPS delivery driver noticed this lady stalking the truck. He called the Alexandria PD and they came and got her!

And I wonder.....did this lady steal people's trashcans? I "lost" 2 and also 2 valuable recycle bins mysteriously.

I can rest easy now, knowing that my LL Bean order is safe!

My Survivor moment at work!

I just found out that my coworker, AKA Shoopie, is retiring this May! Can it be true!?

I am doing the happy dance right know. I had a sinus headache but suddenly all is clear just like if I took a menthol cough drop.

Shoopie came by my office to get office gossip from my new officemate, "Betty." Shoopie asked Betty why she looked so glum. Betty gave a noncommital answer. Shoopie pressed somemore and then Betty asked when Shoopie was going to retire. The answer was May 2006! I think Betty was annoyed that Shoopie dropped by.

Shoopie is such an idiot. Those privacy panels in the office don't block sound. Its not like I am in a cone of silence "Get Smart" reference everybody! I knew you were there Shoopie but I sure as heck did not want to talk to you. In fact when I heard the news about your retirement, I bit my tongue. I had to in order to prevent me from screaming, "Ding dong the witch is dead" I knew exactly how the munchkins felt after they resolved that entire witch problem.

Well, I did not outwit or outplay but I really think I may outlast Shoopie. One of three really isn't bad!

Lets hope I can stay under the radar for 4.5 months!

What's a CrackBerry?

Oh my gosh! The following post is not very nice. I am in a bad mood. Be warned!

Ask yourself the following...what can you call a slightly addictive e-mail device or a former Mayor of DC who just failed a drug test.....

Crackberry! or Crackbarry! Whatever one prefers!

See this http://www.wjla.com/news/stories/0106/292966.html

Shame on you Mr. Barry! Someone interviewed on the news said you did alot of good for the people of DC, the young and the old. Well you are encouraging your local industries especially the local distributors! Get help or get out of office. Maybe you can write a book called "A Million Little Potholes" about your time as the Mayor of DC. Then you can follow up with a sequel "My Friend Anthony" and talk about your misadventures on the DC Council.

Liar liar pants on fire

There has been much ado about the whole James Frey "A Million Little Pieces" scandal.

In case you haven't heard, the Smoking Gun website published a little article regarding the factual accuracy of Mr. Frey's autobiography. See here: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0104061jamesfrey1.html

Well, isn't this a kerfluffle. Imagine that, a former alcoholic and drug addict lying! Why is everybody surprised? I mean, James Frey and friends think lobster and steak are haute cuisine. Is Mr. Frey a liar or just guilty of bad taste?

I read the book and thouroughly enjoyed it. I really had to suspend belief about many passages though. I am not surprised that he took some artistic liberties. I am surprised by all the media outrage and the nasty reviews on Amazon.com. It must be a slow news day.

Larry King asked James Frey what would Oprah think? Is this question for real??? WWOT. OK Larry, Oprah is not a religous figure; she is a media mogul. And Mr. King, don't inflame the Oprahites, I'm afraid what they might do to my fav Borders. They better not ransack the bookstores and interfere with me getting my next Rachel Ray book!

Mr Frey, I think you should fess up and admit you lied. I think it would be more admirable than all the backpedaling you are doing now.

Post office party trash talk

Warning, the following post contains un-Christmas like sentiments. Read at your own risk.

Well today was the big day. Our Secret Santas were unveiled. I am not sure who mine is because they did not show up at the unveil. No, I don't think it was fear, I just think they were too busy.

I do know that my Secret Santa was very cheap. And I spent way too much money. Yes, I know this isn't a very charitable thought. I should be grateful yadda yadda yadda. OK, I am over it.

Oh my gawd. The proverbial stuff hit the fan today. The entire Division is moving staff around and Buffy is moving too! I am sorry to see Buffy go....I really am. She talks too much but I really do like her. Other staff are moving as well. People are threatening to resign and/or look for other jobs quit over this. Wow, this is just the thing to boost morale over the holidays! I really don't know what they are thinking. They should have waited after the New Year to go forward. Now people are going to stew and plot over this.

I may be the only one left after this year is up. I think everyone else is going to retire or quit.

Secret Santa, an outdated American custom

As you know, Christmas is rapidly approaching. Buffy is coordinating Secret Santa this year.

It is very important to be popular at work if one is going to coordinate the Secret Santa game. Buffy is valiantly trying to get more staff to participate. Unfortunately, we have a rival secret Santa game that is being planned by the current Queen Bee. We shall call this women Jane Jones. She has a slavish harem of men friends that hang onto her every word. Buffy, my coworker only has one devoted man friend, Baker. Buffy has not had the time to garden a cult of personality and is struggling to get more participants.

I do not know when we have time to work especially with all this social climbing going around. God forbid, we do any work and publish data or publications or something. I digress.

Jane Jones has about 80% of the staff from my branch participating in her Secret Santa game. Buffy has the other 10. Another 10% refuses to participate. These last 10% are the smart ones.

Buffy is not taking this very well. She has called them 'snotty' and 'tacky.' My god, these are very harsh words coming from a Southern Belle like her. Baker, her man coworker friend tries to console her. They still lunch together. And I found out that they are considering shopping together after work as well.

I think Secret Santa is the stupidest idea I have ever heard. Of course I have been sucked into the drama. Of course I am participating in Buffy's game not Jane Jones. Why can't we all get along?

This is not the way to start the holidays

Well, I am trying to come to terms with my canceled leave. Others in DC are not doing so well.

Last week a naked guy jumped through a window in an office building on 15th Street. This is approximately near the 15th and K Starbuck and the Washington Post Building. I did not see the guy jump but I saw the weird CSI like aftermath. 15th Street was closed off. All the firetrucks and ambulances and police were hanging out around the scene. Numerous office workers gawked and smoked. I hurried to get my Cosi salad and scurried away from the unpleasantness.

There is a new soap opera at work and it doesn't involve me! One of my coworkers, I'll call him 'Baker' has a crush on my officemate 'Buffy'. 'Baker' is engaged and 'Buffy' is oblivious. They chat, they laugh, they lunch! It unfortunately seems headed for disaster or a diesengagement.

Work was crazy today. Not only did I contend with deadlines but with Buffy's caffeine intake. Buffy is chatty. Add caffeine and you have an untenable situation. I don't think Buffy notices that she is sometimes the only one doing the talking. I sometimes tune her out and nod at appropriate moments. I think this is a primitive survival mechnism. That and my Sony noise reduction headphones works like a charm.

We don't want to start a precedent

I am furious. My Thanksgiving and Christmas leave were canceled. I was told that we don't want to have a precedent. Well they can kiss my precedent.

I really hate these workaholics. Who schedules an important presentation on Thankgiving week? Don't they know that is a sacred week to us peons? We dance around big tables grabbing drumlets and eat sweet potatoes. It is an American tradition.

I didn't realize that Thankgiving could be so unpleasant even before it happened.

I love tourists!

Dear Bloggy,

It is summer. The tourists are here in DC! I wuv them to death.

Not only do they bring tax dollars to the city, they shuffle around DC much to my amusement. I hear them say the most amusing things. Here are some snippets.

Tourist story #1 A Confusing turn of events

At McPherson square near the turnstiles, I see a bunch of people mulling around. Oh no I think, I am walking on a crime scene. NO! Just some more tourists baffled by the turnstiles. Gosh I can relate to that! Poor tourists. One of the guy tourists is screaming at this wife , "Go through go through, don't wait" I am thinking, man that guy is mean. Gosh, maybe thats why she is having such a hard time with the turnstile concept...I myself can't concentrate with all the screaming. The women gets through and the rest of the group follow like ducklings through the same turnstile.

Tourist story #2 The little detective

On my way home on the blue line, I hear a very serious voice behind me.

"Mom, CeCe doesn't believe me"

(muffled sound from Mom)

"I did see it"

CeCe says "You have no proof"

UG says "I say it in the water or no...in the air"

(I am not sure what the kid saw but I think CeCe should consider a career in law enforcement>

Tourist Story 3: Killer grates attack innocent shoes

I am trudging toward McPherson square and I see this women stop in her tracks. This is definitely odd I think. And then she slowly falls to the ground....knees buckle....and swoosh she really gracefully falls to the side. Two people stop to help her. She has no shoes on. They are firmly planted in the grate in front of her! The grate ate the shoes! She is OK and laughs it off no worse for wear. Someone wrestles the shoes off the grate and hands it to the lady. We all laugh and all is well!

Bloggy, thats all for now, I'll write again soon!

A

Flip flops, menace to civilization

Dear Bloggy,

I am furious. Someone dropped an LL bean tote on my toe. Luckily, I was wearing sturdy walking shoes so the damage was minimal. It smarts now though. Thank goodness, I don't wear sandals on metro.

Gosh, now I am paranoid about getting smushed toekins. I don't understand how people can wear flip flops in DC. OK people, I don't want to upset the general populace, however this must be said.

Suits and flip flops look silly. Plus I don't like looking at naked feet. I guess its OK at the beach but it is truly gross to see people's toes in the city. I don't know why. I don't like to think of flip flops at Starbucks. It is just soooo vulgar. Flip flops shouldn't be worn in museums either. Put a toe-burka on, their called birkinstocks people. Wear wooly socks for a truly fashionable granola statement.

I don't know why city flip flops bother me. I have some theories.

1. I have arch envy (i lost mine a few years ago)
2. I want cute toes too.
3. The awful thunk thunk noise interrupts my whimical thoughts.
4. I dislike seeing feet get stepped on.
5. Accidents happen. Squirrels do attack what they can reach.

Keep flip flops at the beach and your toes covered people! DC is a conservative town!

A.

Those darn cherry blossoms

Dear Bloggy,

The cherry blossoms are blooming. I've transferred to my new job. Things are almost serene.

It always seem that life changes dramatically for me around cherry blossom time.

I don't know if I am going to venture to the Tidal Basin this year. Well, its because of the hordes. The Tidal Blossom tourists are just like cicadas, except ruder! They fly around, bump into you, and then attack the trees. You often see them clumped around the cherry trees, hanging on to branches...often wrenching off delicate flowers to stuff up their noses. I don't know if I can stand to see the horticulture abuse. Egad people, the cherry trees are a national treasure not the national climb-a-tree contest!

I am being curmudgeonly because I admit, I just want the cherry blossoms to myself!

Sincerely,

A.